hey, look at what i can do

just when you thought i was gone for good

2010-02-25T23:11:00.003-06:00

proud of my little sports fan and thought i'd share. not quite sure with whom or why now but what the hell... enjoy. and hook'em!!!

3. everythings better in 3s. especially my daughter's age

2008-11-23T20:29:00.006-06:00

that's right. calli turned 3 this past friday and we celebrated on saturday. i know, and i'm sorry. i should have invited all of you but we could barely fit the 44 friends, family, toddlers & strangers that arrived sans rsvp. anyway, the "green" party (and i don't mean that in the nader sense of the word) went off brilliantly.

lots of gifts---check.
lots of cake---check.
lots of green---check.
lots of overstayed welcomes---check.

nonetheless, calli loved everything and everyone.

now that she's actually "getting things" we are enjoying these times as parents that much more. we are so looking forward to all future celebratory holidays... christmas, easter & mlk's b-day.

enjoy the pics.

this is quite tragic i know, but who's counting? oh yeah... me.

2008-10-04T00:25:00.004-05:00

it seems as though i've been reduced to nothing more than a once a month(ish) blogger with nothing of substance beyond an apology for not having anything of substance or any time to write. we all know that's a load of shit and i'm become that person who turns on the computer to check email then quickly escaping back to the couch so as not to miss any of the current episode of "i love money" or "no reservations" or whatever reality crap-show that has me hooked at the moment. when really, i should quit acting like a little bitch and go back to the reason i started this thing in the first place. my daughter. if nothing else, she deserves it! i mean, for christ's sake, she is now potty trained, going to dance class and speaking so clearly that she has become the child that anyone with an almost 3 year old would be jealous of. but how would you know any of that? it's not like i'm catching any of this on film to show the world. like any good father would. fuck, i don't even know if flickr would still recognize my login and password if i tried. so this will be my attempt to use the balls i have and step up to the plate and get this going again. at least till i hit post #100. hell, it's only 7 away. so i say to myself-- why not? and i answer-- because i'm fucking tired. tired from working two jobs, semi-raising a kid and trying to open a restaurant. it's quite tragic i know, but who's counting? oh yeah... me.

# 100... here i come!

ummm... let's see... what have i've been up to? (this one's for pg)

2008-08-09T09:21:00.003-05:00

it's been a bit frustrating lately. i've been putting in quite a few hours and with the lack of results it has yielded, i kind of feel like this is all i've been doing...

yeah well...

thanks be to pg for the swift kick in the ass he sent my way letting me know, that i do still have a blog. albeit a very sad and dust laden blog, i do in fact have one.

so i leave you with yet another empty promise of more posts filled with incredible insights that will change life as you know it. i'm sure many of you will be holding your breath-on the edge of your seat-while wiping the beads of sweat from your brow as you wait for my next words of wisdom.

until then...

an attempt to save cyberface...

2008-07-07T18:07:00.006-05:00

excuse the cloud. that's not smoke from your motherboard but rather the dust from my blog. anyway, i just wanted to check in with my readership of 6 and let you few know that i'm not dead or pissed off or whatever rumors are floating around about me and my lack of a blog. without my ass in a cubicle chair for 8hrs a day i have found that keeping up with anything "interwebs" other than life sustaining emails have proven practically impossible. but what kind of excuse is that right?

really though, i quit my day job to pursue a passion and i have to say it's moving along quite nicely. i have had to put my head down and just move forward while a serious busta rhymes' playmix pushes me along. i wish i could give more insight but for now all i can divulge is that jp's kicking out some killer logos and we hired the most amazing chef. i have high hopes of creating a blog to accompany this endeavor but don't hold your breath.

i just don't want the parent blog world to think i haven't been thinking about you guys or that i don't have a daughter any longer or any such nonsense. because i do and she is so 2.5 and crazy and i'm still reading you guys on the regular.

brian, i agree! apparently brian's family and ours share similar taste in eating establishments.

pg is still gettin' it done. nice work brother.

and come on, if you can get an f. scott reference in a post about your half naked boys in a sandbox you totally deserve props!

seriously, they take some of the best vacations. except THEY STILL OWE US A VISIT HERE IN AUSTIN. but really, who's keeping track?

need i say anything at about this guy and his ability to capture humor and emotion? by the way x, i think you might make a scary woman in the looks department.

and that's just to mention a few.

oh well.

life is like a box of... um... well... wet soggy potato chips. somehow the disturbing texture and off putting taste eventually becomes a craving if you eat enough of them enough days in a row.

19 june 2008

2008-06-19T14:21:00.003-05:00

it's official, my ol'lady is now of proper age to wear that title with dignity. today she turns 31!

happy birthday honey!

i love you and i baked a cake!

thank you to all

2008-06-02T22:46:00.002-05:00

this year's march for babies was a huge success and we had a great time. i want to take a moment to thank all the people who walked with us and to those who contributed. if you get a moment head over to my flickr page and check out the set from the walk.

great weekends=tolerable mondays

2008-05-19T10:09:00.004-05:00

for those of you who have experienced a texas summer you know how unbearable they can be. with that said, this weekend was one of the few that made you never want to go back in doors. so we did as much as we could out of doors.

saturday we hung out with fellow parent blogger and interwebs phenom jonathon morgan, his special lady friend and completely adorable daughter little e. the girls played with a new water toy calli just got and were very cute while the adults indulged in a bit of afternoon refreshment. not a bad way to spend a satruday.

on sunday, after taking calli to one of her favorite parks, we headed over to my sister's house to see the new deck she and her better half put in. the backyard looks great with the new deck and all the new landscaping they did. i was so impressed i fired up the grill and threw on some fajitas and whipped up a batch of killer mexican martinis. another successful day out of doors in central texas.

we know the non-100-degree-days are few and far between so we made sure we didn't let these couple pass us by. it made heading into monday not such a bad thing this week.

quality time in the backyard

2008-05-12T08:42:00.007-05:00

we planted a small garden of watermelon and pumpkin in our backyard and now calli & i have a routine of watering the two. my favorite part of the day.

i'm sad to say...

2008-04-29T20:42:00.003-05:00

...but my daughter has been diagnosed with an unfortunate syndrome that mostly affects the female gender. but unfortunately i think this may have been a genetically acquired disease. from. me. damnit.

sfs -- shoe fetish syndrome

sigh. sigh. sigh.

every morning when i'm getting her dressed all i hear is "conberse. conberse."

don't get me wrong, she has compiled quite the shoe arsenal which includes multiple pairs of vans several pairs of sketchers, sandals, etc... but the chuck t's rule her world.

i recently visited a palm reader and she kept repeating --jimmy and manolo and christian and choo and blahnik and louboutin -- i kept resisting and then i noticed this...

c'est la vie...

why is he only in his undies? & why do they sag so much?

2008-04-18T15:34:00.003-05:00

another shift in life has given me free reign to run around the house wearing only saggy undies with holes in the seams, (because i'm a cheap ass and only want to spend money here) screaming like an 8 year old girl.

i have decided to go against my better judgement and quit my day job, go back to waiting tables full time(something i swore i'd never do again) and follow my passion. more on that at a later date .

the important thing here is that in 24 hours i'll rid myself of any daytime obligations and be able to spend as much time with calli as i please. if nothing else pans out from this decision, this extra time with my daughter makes it all worth while. the more time i spend with her the better my life seems to be. so i feel it's in my best interest to increase that time in every way possible.

so i bid the day job world farewell with a swift kick in the ass and a kiss on the cheek.

...and then there were tears

2008-04-15T08:47:00.004-05:00

as much as i would like to say that title was for dramatic effect, sadly, it wasn't.

sunday marked another milestone in the life of one young callia frances.

she moved, without fuss or fight, from her crib to a new "big girl" bed. after throwing everything she could find into the bed, she promptly settled in much to our amazement. we were certain the process would take at least a week packed with raised voices, tears and many time outs but we were completely wrong. she loves it and tries to climb in it every chance she gets.

it really magnified the fact that our "baby" girl was quickly growing into a "little" girl. i felt sad to the point of tears while overwhelming proud at the same time. such mixed emotions constantly tear my heart out, rip it apart, then put it back in my chest with a severe ache. i guess it's good that it's a muscle because with each rip it repairs itself and rebuilds even bigger and strong than before.

i've said it in the past and it still makes me want to kick my own ass but the tired cliche is so right-- they grow up way too fast. if you don't stop to recognize and enjoy the now, it'll pass you in the blink of an eye. it's so incredibly difficult but i love the way she makes me set aside what i think is life to see what life really is.

you've got to be kidding me

2008-04-02T08:22:00.003-05:00

it seems as though the days of calli running around in the buff may be over. she now knows how to put her pants back on! all by herself!

oh wait a minute...

that's only after she has removed her diaper-gotten poop everywhere-and then put her pj shorts back on but with both legs through one leg hole so it looks like a skirt!

i suppose this was her way of showing me that i should have gotten up to get her the first time i heard her cry out. by the time i made it to her, (at 7:15am) her bed looked like the aftermath of some major ww2 battle where the only invented form of artillery was crap.

it covered her. from knees to elbows to hands to feet and everything in between. and poor winnie the pooh. it looked as though he was blind sided. there's no way that little guy stood a chance.

so we went right to the tub with the kid and right to the washer with everything in a 3mile radius of her bed.

quite the wake up call and more evidence that she, indeed, still takes her clothes off.

i just wonder if she was trying to hide the whole thing by attempting to put her shorts back on.

and to think that some day she'll be a teen. i don't know that i have the strength for that.

and the father of the year award goes to...

2008-03-28T14:17:00.003-05:00

holy shit! me!

i can't believe this.

i want to thank you all.

the hollywood foreign press--

my lovely wife--

my daughter...

speaking of my daughter, i could not have even been considered for this award without her.

what's that? of course i'll explain.

the other day i was getting ready for work and calli was in the bathroom with me. you see, she loves going into the water closet and pulling out all my heavy reading material (because that's where magazines are kept right? at least in our house. for obvious reasons.) and flinging them about the bathroom. that day she started this new game of going in and shutting the door. then i would call out--

"where's calli?"

and she'd pop out with an ear to ear grin.

--keep in mind i'm in the shower at this point--

i watch her head in for another round except this time the door handle attempts to turn but doesn't open. so i call again and still the same. fuck... she's locked herself in there. and of course i'm in the middle of the cleaning process, soap everywhere, water closet door handle furiously shaking, damn. i did what i could to get out quickly and went to the door. sure enough it was locked. i knocked on the door and she replied--

"who is it?"

"honey, it's daddy. try to turn the lock."

as if she knew what the hell i was talking about. at this point, i envision her reaching into the toilet and drinking from her hand. because that the kind of thing that kid would probably do.

we go back and forth for a couple of minutes and get nowhere. then i think to myself try a key dumbass. of course my keys were downstairs, not that i have a key to these doors but i was willing to try anything.

"calli... i'll be right back don't touch anything."

and again the handle jiggles. i can tell she's getting frustrated. after getting my keys i try to get one in and as expected they don't fit but luckily it only took a simple turn and the door came unlocked. she busted out smiling and laughing while i stood there in a towel, dripping wet, half soaped up, panting.

i'm thinking we may need to add another room onto the house just to display all my parenting awards.

i freaking love this job.

what's the deal with toddlers and taking off clothes?

2008-03-26T09:48:00.003-05:00

easter dinner:

honey ham--check
potato salad--check
green beans--check
family--check
naked toddler--check

--wait a minute... what the cadbury cream egg is going on here?--

i shake my head and just ask why. i don't get it but for some reason calli has hit this "nakie-nakie" stage that i'd love for her to grow out of sooner than later.

she finished her dinner and wanted to go play. we had just sat down to eat so i was happy to get her own her way so we could enjoy a nice meal among adults. after pulling her out of the chair she promptly asked me to remove her clothes. i obliged not giving one thought to where this could possibiliy go. about four minutes later she came sauntering back to the table in nothing but calli. of course the group erupted in laughter only encouraging the behavior which made it that much harder to get her still so i could get something on her. when i finally pinned her down she flipped out.

--how in the hell could i expect her to live with clothes on? here, let me claw your eyes out.--

flip out.

of course she got over it in no time but really, i don't understand why she's loves having her clothes off. and frankly, from a dad standpoint, i don't like it one bit.

throwin' up the dooce

2008-03-21T10:59:00.001-05:00

if this doesn't get you rollin' on the floor, you deserve to be miserable.

a daughter after her own dad's heart

2008-03-19T21:22:00.005-05:00

i saw this photo my ol'lady snapped while i was at work and an extremely strong sense of pride washed over my tired body. only a dad could find such joy in a moment like this one.

if ya gotta itch... scratch that shit.

you get it girl. daddy loves you!

apperently my o'lady was on a roll with the camera and caught this wonderful shot of calli.

i know it's hard to believe these two pics are of the same little girl but i guess one of these is a fair representation of her mother and the other her father. you decide which is which.

3285ish days (13 march 1999 --- 13 march 2008)

2008-03-12T09:54:00.006-05:00

my adorable wife,

our life together started many years ago and what i knew at the tender age of 14 could not have been truer. i wanted nothing more than to know who you were. i have come to find that learning who you are has told me more about the person i have become; a pleasurable, unexpected outcome. in an attempt to explain how you have helped me grow and shown me life i stumble. a situation foreign to me. you know me as never being at a loss for words but expressing exactly how a person like you makes a person like me feel comes harder than i would like. none-the-less, let me try.

when i look at our daughter, the entire world makes sense. i'm not sure that i'll ever know the exact question asked to me but i do know for certain that she is the answer. i look at her, and i get it. a strong sense of completeness. a feeling only you could have helped me achieve. for that i owe you everything. the constant state of awe that little girl puts me in makes life worth living, and again without you that would have never happend. outside of you and i maintaining our relationship, she stands as our greatest accomplishment to date. my proudest moment.

peaks and valleys seem to be the theme for many relationships and ours is certainly not immune to this. however, with that said, i think the tops of our peaks supremely tower over the depths of our deepest valleys. even though we may run across low times we always bounce back and grow immeasurably from them. it's a continuous learning process and we know the importance of not trying to figure everything out at once and laughing along the way.

i recently had a conversation with a guy at work and he wanted to know the opposite of home. i told him in a word it would be lost or discomfort. after i thought about that i realized that's how i feel about you.

for me...

... you're home.

happy 9th anniversary

your loving husband

a pirate, a pirate, a pirate says...

2008-03-08T09:57:00.005-06:00

i knew the day couldn't be too far off where calli's random comments about the casual passer-by would begin to cause me humiliation and possibly force me to defend myself physically. well... those days are here.

austin's known for great family activities and recently the park downtown hosted it's annual kite festival. lots of fun, lots of people, lots of kites and apparently... pirates.

oh yeah, it doesn't take much where-with-all to see where this ones headed.

as we made our way back to the car this nice gentleman with an unfortunate need for an eyepatch passed us and calli, without hesitation blurted--

"a pirate! a pirate!"

holy shit run!

she's really been into pirates lately. no thanks to those fucking backyardigins. her obsession is generally pretty cute. the whole singing and crouching down to belt out a great arrrrgh. but this time not so much. thank god that poor guy didn't hear her declaration. we did all we could to stifle our laughter till we separated ourselves, but damn that was so funny.

dude is a total db (douche bag for those of you not in the know)

2008-03-01T21:45:00.008-06:00

obviously i'm a dick and have no clue about etiquette.

when someone gives you props & mad love one should show gratification for the gesture.

so here i am showing my face, which happens to look exactly like my ass, and sending mucho thanks to my boy roth over at rfa.

this guy totally rocks & quite possibily the nicest blogger on the interwebz. give him a look-see & share the love.

roth... dude... thanks!

the funniest thing. ever.

2008-02-28T09:37:00.005-06:00

we've all heard of "jesus juice". freakin' hilarious. leave it to someone like ol' mj to get branded with that one. go figure.

so, thanks to this wonderful addition to the english lexicon i have been able to piss my wife off by referring to her glass of wine as "mommy juice". for some reason she doesn't think this is as funny as i do. she's afraid it'll come out at the wrong time and she'll look like some kind of lush.

uh... honey... if the stemless bordeaux glass fits...

anyway, to get to the meat (no pun intended. you'll see what i mean later) of this story, calli ended up in our bed the other night. as you can see from the photo above, mama and daddy partook in a weeee bit too much of mama's "mommy juice" and didn't get around to ahem... uh... um... cleaning up their mess. once calli began her morning hoot and holler around our room in an effort to roust us out of bed she took notice of our night stand. she slowly crept toward one haphazardly discarded condom wrapper, picked it up and exclaimed-- "daddy medicine!"

and there you have it...

sugar and spice and everything nice

2008-02-22T08:54:00.003-06:00

ok, so every parent experiences those moments. you know what i'm talking about. where your kid is either saying or doing something they shouldn't but all you can do is laugh. --i.e. picking nose and eating treasures found while in public or dropping the "f-bomb" at christmas dinner for the first time.-- you turn your head and try not to let them catch you because it just encourages the behavior but it never works and they continue because your response makes them laugh and then you laugh and then...

insert our precious, well behaved and oh so polite daughter.

calli has recently studied, dissected and perfected the way in which we spit when we brush our teeth. apparently it's a very dramatic moment and has drawn enough of her attention for her to remember and reenact it. the only problem is that she doesn't keep this in the bathroom. nor does she restrict it to the normal teeth brushing times of the day or night.

she likes to walk around the house and in a moment of complete randomness, stop, bend over slightly, clear her throat with steam engine force and then actually spit. i'm talking backwoods-overall wearing-hillbilly hawking. i have to commend her on her conviction to the moment because she doesn't even budge when the loog lands right atop her foot. she simply giggles and goes right back to her conversation with whatever version of potato head she has created.

it so funny we can't control ourselves.

to watch her stop without any prompting or cause or reason and deliver such a display, makes me wonder where her little mind is.

late night loneliness

2008-02-17T02:09:00.005-06:00

my ol'lady and daughter went out of town last minute. it's just after 2am and i'm only now walking through the door. i worked tonight and then went to see james hand at the continental club. real singer/songwriters are impossible to find these days. he's a rare find and worth every tired moment i spent watching him.

i miss my daughter and wife. sleep is hard without them under my roof. i just want to be certain they're safe.

without my arms around each of them...

...i sleep restless.

i can hardly contain myself

2008-02-08T12:50:00.000-06:00

starting next week i go part time at my day job. this means calli will also go part time at day care. which means more time with her during the day.

woohoo!

i miss all the time we spent together when i stayed home with her the first year. nothing could make me happier than finding more time to bond with my daughter. she means everything to me and spending more free time with her makes my life that much better.

the traveling gnome has been replaced

2008-02-07T09:22:00.000-06:00

the ol'lady and i were kickin' around flickr the other day looking at entries for the word sophisticated and ran across this. pretty hilarious.

if you'll eat dog food, i'll give it to you

2008-02-06T10:11:00.000-06:00

you always hear the stories of kids being finicky eaters--

"oh, you know little mikey. he'll only eat peas if they're 76.5 degrees-on the elmo plate-at the old wooden table in nana's front room-while watching thomas the tank engine-every other sunday-of odd months. isn't that cute?"

--and your own parents can typically dredge up some moment in your toddler life where you gave them hell when it came to eating. but still, in spite of all this, i never thought it could be as difficult as it is. right now. with my daughter. who refuses to eat anything.

ok, correction, she'll lick ketchup off just about any food item. she won't actually consume any part of the food item but she’ll definitely get every bit of the ketchup. I figure, hey, tomatoes are considered both a fruit and a vegetable so she's good. right?

everything i read or hear says it's just a phase. it'll pass. but when your in the moment it sucks ass and all i want her to do is eat something without some major exchange of tears and yells and emotions from all parties involved.

is that too much to ask?

apparently so.

it only takes 4 minutes to turn it all around

2008-02-01T10:24:00.000-06:00

i work a lot.

a lot= one day off from both jobs and 3 days a week leave the house at 630am return around 1030-11pm. i'm pretty used to it. no big deal. it's just where we are in life right now. you gotta do what you gotta do. right? it'll all be worth it. some day. i know it. probably.

the only real problem is how much this keeps me away from the house. i see calli in the morning when i'm gathering my shit for the day and she's eating breakfast and that's it. it sucks and i feel like she notices. and really, as of late she been kind of a turd too.

it seems her entire vocabulary consists of the word no and she flings it around with such force it could be classified as a deadly weapon.

i usually come downstairs and try to talk to her about what she's eating and typically get 7 no's and then a nice whack in the face while giving her a kiss on the forehead. it sets my day up nicely and it takes all i have not to deliver a swift blow to the throat of every dumbass i encounter.

this morning, however, was different.

last night ended particularly late.

i work nights at a high-end local restaurant and we're pretty popular with the hollywood crowd. celebrities eat there on a regular basis when in town. last night we were lucky enough to have aly & aj in house with about 25 of their friends. i couldn't have pointed them out if my life were on the line but apparently they're a big deal. so this lasted a while and i finally crawled into bed just shy of midnight. 530 came a little to quickly and as the alarm hit my ear like a cathrine tramell ice pick it took all i had not to drop kick it out the window. but, as i was getting ready i heard the sweetest raspy morning voice.

tsaaaddy? tsaaaddy?

calli wanted to stop by and give me a squeeze and a kiss on her way to brush her hair. absolutely adorable.

once i made it downstairs i went to greet her and she let me hug her again and graciously accepted a peck on the cheek while smiling.

iz tsaddy. iz tsaddy.

the day was perking up. as i left the house she said good-bye, smiled and blew me a kiss.

even though i am far beyond tired--and i have to work tonight--and i have another double tomorrow--and brunch on sunday--and then monday night--and my day job week starts again on tuesday--and then... this made my day.

for the rest of my life.

how do you spell meme?

2008-01-30T07:23:00.000-06:00

so, i've seen these "meme" things all around the interwebs and i think i kind of get what they are. not really though. i just hoped no one would ever hit me up with one because i knew i'd fail miserably--fall flat on my face--looking like a total ass--in the end, watching my rank drop yet again over at cre8buzz.

so much for avoiding one of these things. my cyber-buddy piper thought enough of me to include me in her last round of tagging. i got the hit last week and have been hiding from it ever since. but i figured what the hell, i'll humor her request and complete this thing. thanks pipe.

here goes nothing. this better set my karma straight!

Name one thing you do every day:
consume copious amounts of caffeine

Name 2 things you wish you could learn:
patience
origami

Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:
the smell of pillsbury orange sweet rolls
roller skating rink
the electric company

Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:
fruity pebbles
med rare cowboy cut rib eye
key lime pie
pasta with vodka sauce

Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:
70 degree afternoons at the park with my daughter
a glass of wine with my wife on the couch
christmas eve with family
cutting the grass
easy:the commodores

well, i guess that wasn't so bad. the bruising was minimal and i'm only slightly out of breath. if i'm not mistaken i think i'm supposed to tag a certain amount of people with the same "meme", but i'll be nice and just hit up my fellow dad-blogger in vegas, jason. keep an eye on his site to see what he has to say.

feelin' the love from vegas

2008-01-29T09:03:00.000-06:00

i have been away from the computer a few days and i'm not going to lie, it's been kind of nice. we went to houston to visit family and deal with a little business and not once did i log onto any of my many online communities nor did i visit any blogs. not even my own. and let me tell you, i'm so into me that i check my blog just about every 17 seconds. oddly enough, i didn't miss it.

with all that said, i received an email from my wife this morning telling me to check out a post by this great blogger i follow out in vegas.

Jason does some awesome work with his little space in the intewebs, and each week he does a bow (blog of the week). low and behold, this past week, he featured --drum roll please-- little ol' me. when i saw this i got all warm and fuzzy and felt thankful for the many great people offering up advice, anecdotes and just plain commiseration on the joys of raising kids. i couldn't thank jason enough for trying to send people my way. if you haven't been to jaosn's site get your ass over there... yesterday.

much thanks to jason and to everyone else taking the time to let me amuse you with with all my parenting joys and follies.

seriously... i'm serious this time

2008-01-18T07:35:00.000-06:00

it all started with a month of bed rest. when i say bed rest, i mean ass moved form bed to the toilet and back. period. "strict doctor instructions." and we both took this very seriously. she's a hell of alot stronger than i would've been in that situation.

at the time we lived in a 700sq ft apartment and she was confined to a 7x5ft space in a 15x12ft room. no way in hell you're keeping me cooped up like that for a month. everything moved so slowly and then (Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?) it all hit the fan at 1am monday morning november, 21 2005 with yet, another trip the er. fyi-- pregnancy complications are a bitch and i wans't even carring the damn thing. finally after many test and zero sleep they moved us to a real room deciding to keep her around for additional testing. fast forward to dinner time same day. in walks dr. baby taker only to interrupt an enjoyable viewing of elizabeth and to let us know we were down to two options.

option 1: let them go ahead and take the baby out 8weeks early in the next 45 minutes
or
option 2: let them go ahead and take the baby out 8weeks early in the next 45 minutes

wife response: tears
my response: crap in drawers followed by a second round of crap in drawers

next thing i know i'm holding my 3lb 15oz daughter in between cell phone calls to friends and family. when "they" say your world gets turned upside down "they" have no idea the severity which loads that statement.

from there they transported callia to the nicu in the downtown hospital where she would live for the next month. without a doubt the toughest time in our lives. the bright side however, was meeting the mcg's. another couple with a premature daughter; giada. we bonded instantly and we've been friends ever since. amazingly enough the girls are inseparable. it's as if they were communicating from one tiny bed to the other the entire time. i have a great set of pictures of them here.

obviously when it comes to prematurity we don't mess around. that's why we feel the march of dimes is a more than worthy cause. along with the mcg's we have created the super-duo know as "nicu naughties-- being bad for the greater good". now, this isn't a ploy to get you to donate a month's salary to support these two wonderful girls and the mod mission but if you have a spare moment, hop on over to our page for a look see. they're also on myspace. and the page rocks.

so, that's our journey up till now and we wouldn't change a thing.

uuuuggghhhhhhh... can't she write something that sucks? ever?

2008-01-17T12:52:00.000-06:00

this is why we all hate dooce and why we all know she sits at the to of the blogging heap.

austin texas: hells yeah

2008-01-12T07:20:00.000-06:00

while clicking through my flickr page i realized i don't pimp my town nearly enough. perhaps it's a subconscious thing. i like the size of my town and if i make it known to the general parenting public, and anyone else for that matter, everyone would probably drop their current lives-run to our super-fab town-live happily ever after-causing major over crowding-thus making the town suck. then i realized how absurd that sounded and i thought why not throw up a quick photo essay of our fair city to show how great it really is.

when i think of what i like about austin in relation to parenting, the first thing that comes to mind are parks. holy shit this town is infested with parks. just about every neighborhood has at least one if not more. in my little corner of southwest austin there are three within walking distance and a few more just beyond that. now, not all the parks are flashy with crazy playscapes and water features that your kid will naturally gravitate toward and certainly require a clothing change before the drive home. but, i have found that sometimes it's nice to have place where she can run free and i don't have to constantly lurke 6 inches behind her making sure she doesn't fall off some bridge linking a sunken ship with a dragon. with that said the parks in this town kicks major ass.the following photos are of a park in our neighborhood and one of our downtown park that sits right on the colorado river.

not only are the parks boss, just bummin' round town is extremely kid friendly and also fun for the adults. downtown plays home to great coffee shops where kids are cool to hang and there's also a fun and educational children's museum. outside of down town are districts that also make it easy to have fun with kid in tow. in additon to that we have two major univertities here, the university of texas and st. edwards university, both are nice for for killing an afternoon. the first of the next two photos is from a day we spent walking around the soco district. a very hip area of south austin. many claim this as the last vestige of "old austin". a time and place when hippies still ran the town. before progression moved in with it's construction cranes and urban living spaces. the second is from an afternoon on the campus of st. edwards last spring getting photos among the bluebonnets.

austin's undoubtedly known for it's hipsters due to its live music scene. this has been the case for years and that vibe doesn't seem to be going anywhere. hence the self applied slogan "keep austin weird". and honestly i don't think anyone wants the town to lose this either. it pretty much makes austin, austin. so naturally, if hipsters have kids then there kids will too be hipsters. insert the kiddie live music scene. this aspect of the town caught us off guard. the thought of taking kids to live music shows makes perfect sense in a town like this but it never crossed our minds. that kind of thing just doesn't go on where we're from. but this part of the living here has been so much fun. the following photo of edan (from flailing my arms) and calli took place at a joe mcdermott show during acl fest(austin city limits festival). side note: music festivals are huge in this town and generally include a kid friendly stage.

i hope you've enjoyed the little tour of our town. seriously if you get a chance you should come check it out. by far one of the cooler cities in the us.

also, i'd love to hear about and see some your favorite places where you live. if you read this go back to your corner of the interwebs and post about it.

...and there you have it

2008-01-10T08:19:00.000-06:00

*taken directly from an email sent to me this morning by my wife.

this is how you know you a parent...

I was sitting at my desk and I looked at my sleeve. There was something on it. I looked closer and realized that it was snot...

fashion sense 101

2008-01-04T09:32:00.000-06:00

i got such a nice response to the christmas party pic i thought i'd throw this one out there to show just how fashionably in tune i really am. enjoy.

they said she could keep it at their house but conveniently forgot it

2008-01-02T20:59:00.000-06:00

you muthaf@#kas want some?

2007-12-30T22:43:00.000-06:00

yeah it's a pink bow... and?!

what it means to have a daughter... to me

2007-12-29T08:28:00.000-06:00

in a nut shell... being able to use the word cute as much as i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want without someone accusing me of belonging to the "boi's club".

we had a friend and his son (who is 6mo older than calli and half mexican [we'll get to that later]) over for christmas. no big deal he's been coming to christmas for the past 4 or so years. but this year was different. his son's in town from mexico and he brought him along. again no big deal. or so i thought.

during said christmas, i got my first glimpse into what it means to have daughter. and i have wanted to vomit ever since.

ok, i recognize that, contrary to popular belief, i can be a bit dramatic. and i do recognize the fact that my daughter is only 2. but watching them give each other cute little "besos" over and over and over and over and... you get it, from the many promptings of the adults in the room i felt the need to grab my daughter, lock her in a room filled with books and return when she's 30 to let her out.

at first, i loved how they got along. how sweet it was to watch her follow him around. but when she started sharing her gold fish with him my gut filled with concern. that girl never shares. especially food. i looked over at my friend, he smiled and said "latin lover, player". because that's what dad's of boys do. they pat'em on the back and take pride in the way they pray on poor little naive girls. and dad's of girls develop ulcers.

i have never wanted to protect something so much in my life. neither have i ever wanted to knock down a poor defenseless toddler with a swift kick in the ass. but i sure as hell wanted to that day. with much anxiety i admit to myself that this will be me for the next... oh i don't know... 50 fucking years.

FUCK!

this is exactly why i have started a savings account for the private, all girls school here in austin. it's my last defense against all those boy's just like... me.

tis' the season

2007-12-20T13:28:00.000-06:00

me & the ol'lady on our way to a christmas party.

calli about to take on the trail of lights at out city park. she looks so psyched about it doesn't she?

'appy 'olidays to all!

nothing better than nothing going on

2007-12-15T07:19:00.000-06:00

i started getting anxious when i realized i hadn't posted in a while and had nothing excting to post about. sweat began to bead behind my knees and in the crack of my butt. my heart pounded. i couldn't control my breathing. i knew my life as a bloggger had finally come to an end after only 1 year.

a short conversation with myself

by struglas

"omg, i'm boring!"

"wtf, why can't i think of anything to talk about?"

"icbtihtm, (sorry-- i can't believe this is happening to me) i swear my life is fun and crazy."

"hey idiot... shut the fuck up. sit back, relax and relish the fact that nothing is going on. "

"whoa. you're right. calli's not sick. she has been sleeping through the night. both jobs are flowing nicely. she even told me she loved me as i left this morning for work. " (insert tear drop)

"my life is good."

"my life is normal."

"and doggonit, people like me."

time, distance & kids make friendships hard to maintain

2007-12-11T07:57:00.000-06:00

i think every parent would agree that having a child really causes you to loose touch with the outside world. you become consumed with your immediate family and life just seems to slip away and you begin to interact less with those you had grown so close too. my wife and have talked about this at great lengths and get pretty down when we think about all the friends we had and how close we were before we all had kids. it's pretty sad but unfortunately it seems to be a fact of life. if you want friendships once you have kids, you really have to work at it and the sad part is, if you don't work, you forget who your friends are. even if you don't mean to.

this past weekend two friends of mine and their wives drove up from houston to surprise me for my birthday. i've know one of these friends 16 years and the other 8 years. we still chat occasionally and see each other a couple of times a year but we were all so close before my wife and i moved to austin and then when we had calli it got worse.

i was completely shocked when they pulled up late friday night. when they walked through the door, it was as if nothing had ever changed. it felt really good to reconnect. calli latched on to all of them from the get go and it made me really sad as they drove away. calli was blowing them kisses and i started to think about the next time she would see them. i couldn't honestly tell myself when that would be. hell , we have friends here where we live that we hardly see much less 3.5 hours away. but i truly want to make an effort to keep these friends close. i have a pretty small family and she's going to need these extended aunts and uncles in her life. i know it's going to be tough with both my jobs and trying to match up schedules but in the end it's well worth it.

essential.

further evidence that my kid's in need of a major attitude adjustment

2007-12-06T10:16:00.000-06:00

i've mentioned how calli has developed a bit of an attitude since turning two. pretty typical. seems most every kid's affected by this particular birthday. hence the disclaimer "terrible twos". well, as she continues to embrace her role in this phase, new traits pop up that make this time in her life even more fun (dripping with sarcasm) from a parental standpoint.

i heard her talking the other morning and went to get her started for the day. i knocked on her door to see what she would do and she so sweetly asked, "who is it?". i thought i was going to melt. i opened the door and smiled at her. she promptly said, "mama? mommy? mama?". how could i have expected anything else? i told her mama was at work. she stopped everything, shot me this hard stare and followed it with a slap on the side of the crib. translation --"what the hell did you just say? don't make me slap this crib again."

this has been her response to many things as of late. the stare down and then the slap of whatever is within reach. the wall, floor, a toy or if we're lucky enough to be in striking distance, one of us. the major problem with this outburst is that it's funny as hell. mainly because she 's so completely serious. it takes everything i have to not break down when i'm trying to administer some sort of discipline. but damn it's hard.

really, what does she think she's accomplishing here?

mother-in-laws: can't live with'em and you can't... well, you don't really have a choice

2007-11-27T14:06:00.000-06:00

man-o-man-o-man. my mother-in-law... whew... gotta love her.

i don't mean that from a logistical standpoint either. ie. because i'm married to her daughter i have to love her. i mean it from a this-woman-is-crazy-as-i-shake-my-head-at-her-humph-you-gotta-love-her standpoint. look, it would be easy to dismiss her (i'm pretty sure she thinks that's how i approach her anyway) and just say hello and goodbye and let that be it. but we have a pretty good relationship and every once in a while she'll throw an opinion out there (believe me she can throw'em) that it'll make me think. this type of rare occurrence happened the last time she was in town. twice.

(ok, i'm using my thick south-east texas twang because her's is amusingly thick)

1) "now, you know i was 32 when i had my youngest, right? you're behind."

this statement was in reference to my wife and the fact that she is now thirty and only has 1 child. so, according to my mother-in-law's math we should be knee deep in our second round of poop diapers, recycling baby #1 clothes with thoughts of the 3rd getting us giddy. but my wife and i decided we would wait till our first was at least 3 or 4 before we considered #2. we didn't want to be changing diapers for two babies and we figured if one could actually tell us what was wrong with'em we'd be that much further ahead of the curve. as one would imagine, this type of response went no where. no matter how i try to spin it, we're always going to be behind. but we're sticking to our guns on this one and we feel pretty good about it. i do however, get that ache when i see someone holding a tiny baby. i really miss those days. there's something comforting and warm about that. again, something i swore i would never say when i had kids... bleh.

(again with the thick south-east texas twang because her's is amusingly thick)

2) "i think you're different for the sake of being different."

this particular jewel was one of many interior decorating comments bestowed upon me by one said in-law.

ok, so, i hung this window pane in our study which i got from my folks house. an idea that both my sister and i stole from our mother. now, my mom and sister hung a wreath on theirs but i didn't. (insert in-law) according to my mother-in-law, if i did this, it would allow the white pane to not get so lost on the white wall. i told her: i didn't want to copy what they did-and-that i didn't understand why people would want to in the first place-and-that it looked absolutely fabulous as is-and-i'm always right. she said children take on certain traits (like decorating) from their parents because they're comfortable and familiar and that i just like being different. ok fair enough. i can see that and it made me step back for a moment. i have always been this way. from a very early age. but i haven't wanted to stand out or be different i just didn't want to be the same. who knows why or what any of this means i just know it's too easy to "go with flow". and truthfully, it really doesn't matter. but i guess i should be happy that i have someone to keep me thinking... right? in the end i did agree that something hanging on it would add a nice touch but i prefer things like that to be there for a reason. so we decided i would get a hat from her father and hang it on the corner. i thought that would make for a nice story if anyone ever asked. i like decorative items to be discussions pieces also or at least have meaning other than i got that at pottery barn.

seriously though, can i really trust the opinions of someone who still drinks tab soda?

reader: what did you just say?

me: yes, they still make tab soda.

time out: man's greatest accomplishment to date

2007-11-27T09:31:00.000-06:00

the era of time out has begun.

as i mentioned before, the "terrible twos" have set in and the limits of my abilities as a parent are being tested. and when i say tested i'm talking final-chapter-of-any-harry-potter-book-where-voldemort-is-about-2-seconds-from-ending-h. potter-as-we-know-it tested. specifically my abilities to keep my cool and not flip out when i have to tell her for the 37th time not get on the stairs or not stand on the car or not walk on the books or not pull the dog's tail or not --this really could go on for days. so in order to keep sanity in place we have introduced time out.

holy shit! the greatest invention since the wheel sandwich on sliced bread!

my wife used it for the first time on sunday and after two 1 minute stints in t/o she got the idea. when i stayed home with her on monday i threw it out a couple of times and you'd think i was threatening to take her out in the middle of west texas only to leave her to fend for herself till the end of time. she immediately stopped what she was doing wrong to go carry on a conversation with some sorta stuffed whatever that obviously served as a better playmate then me. i couldn't believe it.

hell yeah! t/o kicks ass!

daughter turning 2 = having to be a parent... for real this time

2007-11-24T07:32:00.000-06:00

apparently my daughter has turned two. why do i know this? well... pretty much because she has become ~~a turd~~ extremely hard to deal with over the past... oh, i don't know... 3 fucking days. she has only been two for three days and it's already happening.

at first i found this hard to believe. when i called my wife between jobs the other day and she said she hit the "terrible twos". i shrugged it off as she's tired or her last two teeth were coming or whatever but not this whole "terrible two" bullshit. then i saw it with my own eyes.

slapping, kicking, pulling and that was only the dogs. she responded to everything with an adamant round of no-no-no, screamed when i tried to touch her and would not stay away from the damn stairs. if someone hadn't noticed her on the stairs she would make some noise till she received acknowledgment and then your eyes would meet and she would smile. like-- "hey, look at me and by the way, this is my middle finger for your authority." whomever was close would go through the motions and pull her off as she flailed and screamed no. the whole display was rather embarrassing. but isn't that what thanksgiving is all about? family.

when i step back and look at the entire situation i feel sort of bad for her. it seems that with this age comes a strong push towards independence. i think that's what makes it so "terrible". they want to do everything on they're own but can hardly do anything with out you. it makes for a pretty lethal combination if you're not in the proper mind frame.

and to think... up until now i thought i was parenting.

21 november 2007

2007-11-21T07:44:00.001-06:00

callia,

two years have come and gone faster than i could have ever imagined. happy birthday to you.

there's so much i want to say but i don't really know where to begin.

well... how about --- you're freakin' crazy. out of everything, this has got to be my favorite. i love to watch you grab life by the balls and just go-go-go. it must be some trust thing you have for your mama and me but you don't give a damn and somehow know we'll be there to catch you. you do what you want-when you want-how you want and it's hilarious to watch. i promise i do all i can to make sure you never lose this.

not only are you a complete nut, you are absolutely the sweetest thing. people love being around you and i know you occupy a special place in many hearts.

i'm not gonna lie and say that things have always been a bowl of chubby hubby, in fact it's been a bowl of soggy dog crap a couple of times, but never have i not loved my life in the last two years. not to get all sappy-pappy but you get me out of bed each morning. i know that no matter how shitty the day's been i can go home to you and-the clouds part-and-the rain stops-and-your halo shines bright-and-birds sing-and you get the point. i can crawl around on the floor with you and nothing else matters. i couldn't thank you enough for that.

you're a special little girl calli. i can't wait to see what you do next.

i love you and will always be here for you.

happy birthday callia.

love,
daddy

birthday party 2.0: done

2007-11-20T08:09:00.000-06:00

well, the second birthday party has come and gone and from the responses i received, i have to say it seemed to be a success.

we went with a dance party theme. no particular era just dance in general.

we through up a slew of gaudy metallic decorations, plugged in couple of colored lights and a strobe, put out a dance floor and compiled the best dance mix from the last 4 decades you've ever heard. we hit the brick house, dropped it like it was hot and definitely brought sexy back. the kids seemed to have a pretty good time. there wasn't much dancing, sadly, but what could we have expected with a bunch of 2 year old kids? plus , i left out all of calli's toys and that was obviously a mistake.

i'm afraid this theme will be hard to top but we do have a year to try and out do ourselves. between now and then, i have to figure out how to get a trapeze, shark tank and that really cool ball-cage-thingy the guy on the motorcycle rides around in in my living room.

any suggestions?

typical motherly response

2007-11-16T08:56:00.000-06:00

after calling my wife a sap from getting so emotional over an old post she read by dooce, she sent me this response and i love it.

i know... it's like this strange weepy over-emotional person has taken over my body when i wasn't looking. i wasn't ever like this before calli came into the world. i can hardly listen to country music at all anymore... i've gone haywire.

freakin' kids man... they make you crazy.

poop and sleepless nights: the two guarantees of parenthood

2007-11-15T07:09:00.000-06:00

1am conversation between my wife, my daughter and me in our bed.

c: "water-water-water-water."
scream
c: "water-water-water-water."
scream
w: "calli... baby... shhhh
m: "why is she screaming?"
w: "she wants water."
m: "i'll get it."
c: "water-water-water-water."
w: "it's ok baby, daddy's getting you water."

all the way downstairs in the kitchen i hear her. again, it's 1am.

scream

w: "shhhhhhh..."
m: "here calli. here's your water."
c: "milk-milk-milk-milk."
scream

a quick plug

2007-11-13T07:45:00.000-06:00

we live in austin, texas for those who may not know. also for those who may not know, live music is a big thing here. so big in fact, some call the town "the live music capitol of the world". don't really know if that's true but a night doesn't go by where you couldn't catch at least a dozen worth while bands playing somewhere in town. anyway, it's an aspect of the city we really love. especially in regards to raising our daughter. it seems that every weekend you have the opportunity to put your kids in front of some great live music. i know in the town where i grew up this wouldn't be an option so i feel lucky that calli has a chance to experience this.

we're quickly approaching calli's 2nd birthday and this year we are going with a dance party theme. it's turning out to be quite an undertaking but i think it'll be really cute and fun in the end. which brings me to my point about the live music.

i was working on the play list for the party last night --the usual suspects, you know snoop, gwen, jt...-- and i was adding some children's music when i realized how lucky we, as austinites, are to have someone like joe mcdermott living and playing in our town on a regular basis. he's this great musician with punk roots who the kids absolutely adore. you need to go and down load all his music and try your damnedest to get to austin to check him out. your kids will love forever for it. plus, we all know how much we could use a break from the backyardigans and the likes.

veteran's day '07

2007-11-11T13:07:00.000-06:00

this day doesn't normally stand out to me. generally it comes in as a punchline to some joke about a guy like me ever being in the military. but today, since i'm stuck at work, i've thought about it a little more.

it is weird that a guy like me was ever in the military and when i do mention it to people it really throws them for a loop. especially when i tell them i served for 7 years. 4 active duty air force and 3 texas air national guard. i didn't take part in any war time situations but there were real life scares while i was stationed in kuwait.

when i look back on my time in the service i smile. i did a ton of go growing up in the military and learned quite a bit about who i am. i used to think i joined out of confusion and a willingness to shock the norm but now when i look back i think i made a much smarter decision than that. i knew i would never make it in the college world right out of high school so this was by far the best decision for a person at my age and position in life.

calli will never know me as that person but she will know of that person and i'm certain a lot of that person will shape the girl/women she will become.

so for that i salute all the men and women who have served and myself ---proudly.

oooohhh that's right, i am married

2007-11-09T09:19:00.000-06:00

it may sound cheese and mushy but i'm married to my best friend. we met in middle school, stayed friends over the years and have now been married 8.5 years. easy enough. how could i forget that, right? well, i did and another issue has come up in which i said i would never let this happen when i had kids.

it seems this list (of things i would not do as a parent) continues to grow at a pretty alarming rate. it's actually quite embarrassing. i've never eaten so much humble pie in my entire life as i have in the past 2 years. i guess it comes with the territory sort of like poop under the fingernails.

"i will never tell people they'll understand when they have kids."
"i will never have conversations involving nothing but poop diapers."
"i will never let my child sleep in my bed."

the list could go on but for the purposes of this post i will end it with:

"i will never forget that i'm married".

for the most part this has not been an issue. but since starting this second job, i haven't been around the house much. and the time i have, i'm usually thinking about calli and wanting to see her and hold her and kiss her and... you get it. so, this issue became painfully obvious when my wife had to point out to me how i mentioned i was sad about my daughter leaving for the weekend but not her.

if you look to the left i have a sidebar feature that allows me to update what i'm doing at any moment-anywhere-anytime through twitter. (i'm still not sure what the point of this is other than because i can but that's neither here nor there.) i updated this this morning, mentioning how i was sad about my daughter leaving and as you can see i had to go back and include my wife in a seperate update. that was more or less for her benefit and it gave me a good laugh but it did make me think for a moment.

i realized that as of late i had been unconsciously giving all my attention to my daughter. i think it's easier to assume my wife knows how i feel and my daughter must be shown. this makes sense to me but by no means is it an excuse. i really felt bad. but this does seems to be the case in many relationships. i will however do what i can to see that this doesn't happen again.

mainly because i don't want to deal with all the "what about your wife" emails.

busy busy busy second job-head is spining-so tired-what day of the week is it?

2007-11-08T08:32:00.000-06:00

well, i had my first shift out of training last night and holy shit i got my ass handed to me in pile of mole sauce with a side of whipped black beans.

i could not believe how crazy the restaurant got. not only was it my first night i worked cocktail as well. that may not sound like much, but during the week, they serve the full menu in the lounge. i had 8 tables in my section and it was about 8 too many. i'm not one who usually struggles in these types of situations so the unfamiliar territory through me off. the bar couldn't get a drink made in under 10 min and the guest wouldn't wait longer that 4. it made for a deadly combination. i remember stopping --clearly when i had no time at all to stop-- and thinking "damn my mouth is dry... i think i'm gonna throw-up". yeah. that bad. like any situation, i made it through it, eventually, able to look back and learn. sorta. i guess more or less what not to do.

i'm back at it again tonight. in the same section. i'm sure it'll go better than last night but i'm not counting on a smooth flight. still i have to push though and get these growing pains behind me. plus the freakin' money is ridiculous and it's all for calli. right?

bye, bye penny... i'll miss you

2007-11-06T09:56:00.000-06:00

everyone knows i'm not much of a pet person. although it seems i should be from the way i attract every animal within a five mile radius. but, i think it's pretty much due to the fact that i'm lazy. i don't' really want to keep up with a pet. there's this whole responsibility aspect that i have no desire to be a part of. hell, every plant i've owned has died within about a week and i would really hate to see what i might do with an animal. i'm still floored every morning i wake up and realize i have a kid. it's that whole half-asleep-what's-kicking-me-in-the-head-holy-shit-i-have-a-kid thing. as of right now, things seem to have worked out fine and that in itself amazes me. i thought for sure she would be ruined by now.

get back to me when she's a teen.

anyway, i'm feeling a little sad today because my mom is having to put one of our family cats down this afternoon.

from what i can remember, we have always had cats around the house. for some reason my folks loved to rescue cats from workplace parking lots, the grocery store or some random location where a cat should not have been in the first place. penny happened to be an offspring of one of these particular finds.

she was born when i was in high school so she's been around some 15 years. her health is pretty horrible right now and it's been falling for quite a while. we all know this is the right thing to do but that doesn't make it any easier. i may have bitched about her over the years --pretty much because i had to shovel her shit on a daily basis-- but i'm realizing today she meant something to me.

this has made me step back and think of her which made me think about how i did enjoy having her around. you see, i spent a lot of time grounded in high school and she made me feel not so alone while i got to know the inside of our house. really well.

i truly will miss her.

on a side note
it seems that with kids come pets and i won't be "that" parent who denies their children pets if they really want them. but i can assure you the type of pets i'm willing to own (and take care of because that's how it works) are not many. right now, it's fish. i don't see that changing any time soon.

sorry calli.

baby bunch halloween 2.0

2007-11-01T07:28:00.000-05:00

we have this great group of friends who all have kids around the same age and we call it the baby bunch. we hang and let the kids run all over each other, swap illnesses and you know, bound on that the rug-rat level. well, this year marked the 2nd halloween that we all spent together. and i think it's becoming a tradition. pizza, beer, cookies and all other things halloween. the host of the event tried to extend the invite to a hand full of other couples with kids but they all bagged on us and we ended up with the same group as last year. but i have to tell you, we seemed better for it. the only other non-baby bunch attendees were my folks, my sister and her better half. but the four of them are at everything anyway. i have a very young family so my friends always love having them around.

i'm not quite sure i can honestly say "another successful halloween down". i will say however, we made a giant leap in the right direction compared to the constant crying from the moment calli donned her costume that we experienced last year. but to claim victory would only be a lie. she did enjoy herself --for the most part-- and we were able to contain the crying to small isolated moments. the moments between the wagon and the front door. the most important moments.

she hopped out of the wagon and made her way up the driveway and as soon as she saw the generous person handing over the treats she turned running back to the wagon adamantly exclaiming--

"no! no! no! no! no!"
"calli... why are you saying no?"
"no! no! no! no! no!"
"whatever."

so much for the candy i would enjoy for the next month and a half. as a parent, this is one of the best times of the year. i can indulge in all the candy i would never normally buy without any of the guilt. i think we managed about 6 pieces in all. pretty much a bust if you ask me.

the rest of the baby bunch seemed to have a solid grasp on the door to door concept. my daughter, not so much. she happily sat in the wagon while her paypaw pulled her up and down the streets. i will say she looked damn cute doing it.

over all, the event went well. but next year we are not going out like this. there will be blood, sweat and tears lost between now and then to get this down. i will not have these other dads reaping the rewards of pimping their kids out for the sweet-tooth satisfaction more than me. again.

baby bunch halloween 3.0... here we come!

two jobs are better than one... right?

2007-10-30T09:21:00.000-05:00

about a year ago i decided to step away from the night time work force, join the rest of america and put my college degree to use. i got a day job. at a desk. on my ass. and as i suspected... it sucks. i will say that being home at night has been nice. i love having the extra time with calli and hillary. but, unfortunately, i made more money bar tending and worked a hell of lot less. plus, we had to put calli in daycare as a result. so financially, this move really hit the wallet pretty hard.

--insert second job--

in order to fix this "problem" i took on a second job. bleh.

i started last night and the job itself, i like --it's really easy and the money's great-- and it's in line with the "new path" i've chosen to pursue. (more on that at a later date) but the time i have to put in sucks. i leave the house at 630 am and get home around 1030pm. obviously it makes for a long day. but the two job thing is only temporary. once we get on our feet again and through the holiday season, i plan on going to nights only. this will not only pad the pockets a little better, it will also allow me days with calli again --which i miss terribly-- and give me my sanity back. at least in regards to jobs.

so for now, i'll just bite down and grin n' bare it. that's life, right?

it totally sucks but this time the cliche is true

2007-10-26T08:09:00.000-05:00

6. an aspiration; goal; aim: A trip to Europe is his dream.

according to dictionary.com, a "life" dream comes defined as the above example.

i mention this because i had an interesting conversation with a friend --note: he's not a parent-- about "life" dreams and the path someone takes once they have children. basically, he told me about a high school reunion his sister went to in their hometown and the interactions she had with old friends. at the time she was about to finish her phd and held a faculty position at depaul university in chicago. no doubt a respectable position to be in life. i'm not at all slighting that in any way. i just want to get that out there. i know someone will undoubtedly think i'm an asshole by the end of this post. so she went home, went to this reunion and exchanged pleasantries. the typical "how are you ? what are you doing these days?" blah, blah boring shit none of us care about anyway so why do we even bother, conversations. getting to the point, she told them what she was doing and where she worked and apparently the small town friends pretty much disregarded this as oh nice but here are the 75 photos of my children. i'm sure there was a bit of exaggeration thrown in for emphasis on his part. but he couldn't believe how having children can trump a phd and a faculty position at depaul university.

i'm not sure that one out shines the other but when i said it's hard to understand till you have children i got the whole yeah but you can't just live through you kids- there's more to life than children response.

there are certainly things we all admit we would never do or say when we have kids and i cringe every time i say or do these things. truth is, we all do them and the stuff about how you don't understand till you have kids is so fucking true it makes me ill. having a child not only changes everything, it changes everything. i get the whole notion of how we shouldn't lose sight of who we are as individuals but truth be known, once you have a child, your dreams become their dreams and all you want is to see them grow and learn and smile through accomplishment.

i have been acting for about five years. my wife and i moved out to lost angeles and then back to austin and i pursued it pretty heavily for those five years. in the middle of all this i had a child. this didn't stop me from doing what i loved. it did however magnify the fact that acting is definitely a single person's life style. and of course i knew i would be the one to break that. but once i started missing time with calli because i was rehearsing or shooting something i quickly realized i did want to be the exception to the rule any longer. so i made the decision to set acting aside and find a way to have more time with my family.

from the outside it does seem that a child drives many away from their dreams but i can assure you the parents are choosing the paths they take and as crappy as it sounds, you can not and will not understand till you have a child.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm not living some boring life now because i have a kid, i'm just choosing to pursue a different path. acting turned out not be what i am going to do with my life and that's fine. i'm perfectly okay with that. just know that i will die knowing i made that decision on my own. not because i had a kid.

toddler without sleep = crapy demeanor the next morning for dad

2007-10-25T07:48:00.000-05:00

i leave for work at a ridiculously early time. the moon this morning --that's what i'm saying, it's so early the moon was still out-- almost made it worth while.

each morning before calli and i get in the car to leave we step out onto the driveway and look at the stars. this morning the moon sat just above the trees, full and lit the entire sky. she couldn't stop pointing exclaiming, "moon, moon, moon". then, when we turned to head for my car, she extended the proper salutation --"bye, bye stars. bye, bye moon." very cute. still, it doesn't make up for the middle-of-the-night-interruptions we have been the lucky beneficiaries of.

i got to work and immediately took note of how swollen my eyes felt. the computer screen seemed to be fueled by some sort of radio-active matter it was so blinding and i could feel the onset of new additions to my lovely flock of crows feet forming. after combing my mush of a brain, it hit me like a month supply of nodoz. the past two nights calli has been in and out of our bed a couple of times each night. that's why i've been draggin' ass. however, i'm not sure what's going on. according to my mother, she slept both nights straight through when she stayed with her.

how does this happen?

why does our house & her bed make the difference?

is one full night of sleep too much to ask for?

if it's teeth, why didn't the try to come through when she stayed in houston?

i can ask no more question.

there are never going to be answers.

she will forever make my brain hurt.

it doesn't make sense.

nothing makes sense.

i can't think this early without a proper nights sleep.

even with coffee.

it's too much.

sleep is very important.

very.

very important.

being young and free is nice but give me my kid back

2007-10-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

it's been a long time since hillary and i have been alone for any extended period of time. almost two years to be exact. we left houston sunday evening and drove for 3.5 hours in silence. well, we weren't silent but we sat there with only our conversation to get us all the way home. it's not like we made some effort to spend time with just our sweet words for one another it just happened that way. the next thing we knew were home and we had not turned on the radio once. just ask any couple that has been married for more than 8 years and they would agree that's a serious accomplishment.

that trip kicked-off our day and a half mini-vacay without calli and i have to say, it was awesome. the 36 hours we had to ourselves gave us a moment to step back and breathe. leaving calli in houston may have been tough but i don't think either of us realized how much we needed it. we didn't do anything special we just hung out. i was off yesterday and hillary was "sick" so we ran around town like young carefree kids. it hasn't been just us since we found out she was pregnant. it felt like we were 25 again. and really, who doesn't want to be 25 again.

but, in the end, i just want to see my daughter again.

damn curse of a parent.

we must all be masochist to actually beg for the direct and indirect abuse we receive as a result of being parents.

omg... it's finally working

2007-10-19T09:09:00.001-05:00

oh, what a beautiful morning!

it started out a bit slow. the wife and i had a late night. too much heroes if you know what i mean. it took us a while to drag our lazy asses out of bed and when we finally got around to it, the first thing we saw was a bedroom with clothes and bags and crap everywhere. (we're going to houston this weekend for a couple of family birthdays.) we got caught up in the night and didn't finish packing. we did our best to get it all done before calli woke up and we did an alright job but we ended up running a bit behind.

i finally found my way downstairs --suitcase, backpack, calli's bag & hanging clothes all in tow-- somehow got a pancake going for her and after i shoved everything in the trunk of the car i made it back inside. calli sat patiently waiting for her breakfast and when i set the pancake down she offered up a "wank ooo".

"holy shit, what did she just say?"

this came about with out any prompting, begging or embarrassing pleading on my part. it was as if the clouds parted and a shard of light from the heavens illuminated our child as she delivered those two words i have been begging her to say for months now. i couldn't believe this. i found myself whistling zippity-do-da to this cute little animated bluebird perched on my shoulder as i floated out of the house into the car and into traffic that couldn't phase me.

finally. finally, all the hard work has paid off. she is learning and we as parents are getting through to her. we are not failures. people will not hate our kid.

oh, what a beautiful day!

my daughter's normal? cool...

2007-10-18T08:43:00.000-05:00

~~i have recently learned two new things.~~ i have recently confirmed two things.

1. my daughter is possessed.
2. playing music for a child in utero really works.

all drama aside, my child is not possessed but she has exhibited traits of one who may be possessed a couple of nights in the past week. she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. crazy screaming. holy shit what's happening screaming? we figured it was probably the canine teeth trying to come through, which by the way, we were told are the worse. unfortunately that is not the case so we still have that to look forward to. it's actually a sleeping disorder, my diligent researching wife found, called confusional arousal. the child is still asleep with eyes open or closed and does not recognize anything. and the more you try to talk to them and comfort them the worse it gets. of course we learned this the hard way, after the fact. she started moaning then it continued to build to thrashing around hitting pieces of furniture and throwing whatever she could get her hands on. the first time this happened, we were able to put on the backyardigans --this show at 1am when you're half asleep quickly produces a small amount of vomit in your mouth-- and she snapped out of it. this time however, the colorful singing adventurers of the backyard would not be able to save us from hurricane calli. she proceeded to send books across the room at nolyan ryan speed while scratching and pulling at my face in the midst of my futile attempts to calm her. this went on for 45 min before we gave in and let her massively destroy the living room. as i slumped in a chair, surrounded by defeat a light bulb went off in my head. and that's when the second confirmation set in.

when my wife was pregnant we wanted to find some soothing music to play for the baby and we decided on sigur ros's () album. for the last month of hillary's pregnancy she would put the head phones on her belly and play the cd. she never got past the first song out of boredom but it didn't matter. every time we place that song, calli stops what she's doing and falls into this trance. it's actually kind of surreal. i guess the womb is the safest place to be and the song takes her back there.

so, i got the cd put it on and she stopped. instantly. mid-yell-n-flail. turned toward the television --we don't have a stereo so i had to use the dvd player. desperate measures call for...-- and just stared. after a moment she crawled to get her "towel" (commonly known as the blanky) and curled up in hillary's lap. 3 plays later and she was ready to go back to bed. she slept fine the remainder of the night.

i wish there was a way for me to contact the band and explain to them how life saving their music is. and i don't mean that on some crazy fanatical level. i really mean it's life saving. i really felt like calli could have injured herself but when the first note of the first song on the cd played she went to another space and time. it's truly bizarre to watch.

talk about hard f*#king work. and to think that we chose to be parents. it's a damn good thing she's so unbelievably cute.

step-change

2007-10-16T07:58:00.000-05:00

i comb through quite a few parenting blogs throughout the week and i have to say, there are some truly talented writers out there discussing the day to day we all go through as parents. these blogs make the commiserating process a hell of a lot easier. although i'm sure my parents would say something like "we used to actually have friends we knew and could see and talk to and blah, blah, blah". and they're probably right, again... as per usual. but that doesn't change how things work today. so, i have "friends" and i may not know what they look like (in person) and i may not even know where they live and i certainly don't know what their banana-nut bread taste like. then again how much of that matters when all i want is to find someone who's talking about how their kid also screams no and slap them in the face too.

that's not to say i don't have friends i see on a regular basis, because i do. lots of them for that matter. and we do cry together about how hard things get and how much we love these little rascals regardless of how big a turd they can be. and yeah some them do cook and the shit is damn good. my point being, the internet has opened this whole other world that helps the understanding process when it comes to the challenges of parenting. the problems may not get fixed but there's comfort in knowing that someone in chubbuck, idaho didn't sleep last night either.

which brings me to my real point. i ran across this posting about the loss of a step-parent. I have always associated the term step-parent as one who "steps-in" when the biological parent cannot or chooses not to be a part of a child's life. for the most part this statement (technically) is correct but everyone knows there's more to it than that.

i grew up with step-parents. in fact i had two step-dads from age 2-28. not at the same time but two during those ages. it all changed when i turned 29. my step-dad, who had been in my life since i was 10 came to me and asked if i would allow him to adopt me. i remember thinking, i'm nearly 30 years old and if this man still wants to claim me as his son after all the shit-fire i put him through then i would love to be his son.

we had a nice adoption ceremony on valentines day 2005 and a great party for friends and family and then my wife and i changed our last name. an overall very cool process. and i have to say as much as i didn't think it would change much, it did. i knew that i could always rely on him as a parent but as a step-child with an absent biological parent there was always this void. once i became adopted the void was filled, much to my suprise. there's been this feeling of completeness. i'm not trying to be mushy and induce tears but it's ture.

so when i read the post about how this woman lost her step-dad it really hit home. step parents are not just stand-ins. they are life's soldiers serving as the stable element a child needs to feel their way through the day. i can't imagine what my life would be with out my father (step-dad) in it.

i will enjoy the fact that my kid is growing up/i will enjoy the fact that my kid is growing up/i will enjoy the...

2007-10-13T07:55:00.000-05:00

apparently i'm obsessed with the notion of kids growing up and moving on but i can't avoid it. it keeps popping up in my life. so i continue to comment on it boring the few readers i may have and for that i apologize. clearly it doesn't bother me enough to stop writing about it so for that i apologize as well. and i also apologize for apologizing so much.

last night was the first time calli has stayed the night away from us with someone other than a grandparent. she stayed with my sister and her fiance. now, she didn't stay very far away, they spent the night on my parents side of the duplex we own together --i know, yes we did what many would consider to be a completely ludicrous thing and went in with my folks on a piece of property. but that's a whole other story in itself. jut know that it has worked out great-- since my mom has equipped it with all the essentials for housing a toddler. but that doesn't change the fact that she did not sleep in her own bed and we did not see her for 14 hrs. don't get me wrong, i totally trust my sister and i trust her better half even more for that matter, (his mother owns a daycare) it's just that having your child sleeping in a place where the overseers only experience in child rearing would be having a dog, makes you sleep a little lighter. actually i slept like shit. but that seems to be part of it. every thing's fine-she had a great time-no broken bones-or chocking incidences-i'm worring too much-i should have known it would be ok-and so on. with this behind me, i think i'll be sleeping much better next time. it's a building process.

the real test comes next weekend when we head to our hometown for my mother's 49th birthday and my wife's grandfather's 90th birthday. we agreed to leave calli there with my mom when we return to austin. i think this may have been more a selfish move on my part but none-the-less we agreeded to it. so, we'll be coming home on sunday and my mom will be up on tuesday, which puts us nearly 48hrs and 190 miles away form calli. i do think the down time will be nice but at the same time she was gone last night for maybe 14hrs and only 25ft away and i slept like shit. this is exactly what i've been bitching about. the whole growing up thing. it seems normal,sleep overs with the grandparents or aunts and uncles, i just didn't realize this would be starting so soon. all of a sudden she doesn't need us 24/7. i know something can be said about her building these bonds and frankly, having hillary to myself is not so bad either but it doesn't change the fact that it's hard letting go of so much. i guess it has to start sometime.

so we continue to watch our baby turn into a little girl and enjoy the fact that she has so many people in her life we completely trust who want to spend so much time with her.

*i'm quickly realizing that i'm not obsessed with any notion but rather slowly understanding what being a parent is all about.

dead set and won't take no for an answer

2007-10-11T08:01:00.001-05:00

it seems parents only talk about how their kids get older- change-they can hardly keep up-blah-blah-blah. i get just as tired of hearing this as the next guy but bottom line --it's true. they grow up so fast and you want nothing more than to sit and watch tv holding that warm bundle knowing you're all they need in life. as much as i loved those days --i think i'll long for them more as calli does get older-- her crazy personality is so much fun right now.

it's wild to see the independence start to set in. she only wears the clothes she picks out and when she makes up her mind about something there's no changing it.

a few weeks ago after a bath she put on a nightgown and then had to put on shoes. she wasn't going anywhere but still she had to have them. so she went to sleep with them on and asked to take them off in the morning. no big deal just a normal thing. who knows why but that's how it went down.

on our way home from the park the other day she put on her favorite pair of elton john sunglasses and wore them proudly. so proudly she wouldn't take them off. she got in the tub and when hillary took off the glasses to wash her face she flipped out. i mean real-tears-long-silent-open-mouth-breath-intake-prior-to-scream flip out. so she quickly washed her face and as soon as i got the glasses back on she stopped. pretty amazing. she definitely knows what she wants. thankfully she let me take them from her when i went to put her in bed and she hasn't asked for them since.

not quite sure what prompts these ideas but damn it's fun to watch.

calli's first airshow

2007-10-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

i mentioned before that planes are one of calli's favorite things right now. every time i pull out the laptop she comes over and begs -- airpane, airpane. then i'm subjected to viewing stock photos of random planes for the next 15 min. so, when we heard the air show would be going on in our hometown we had to go. lucky for us my folks had super cool-super exclusive vip passes. free lunch and all.

we got there and she seemed to have died and gone to heaven. she loved everything about it. the noise, the flying, the pilots even the annoying hearing protectors she hated at first.

the weather could have been better but form the most part the air show went down in the books as a complete success.

really... what goes on in that little head

2007-09-28T08:37:00.000-05:00

she's just weird. she put these sandwich bags on her hands and freaked as i tried to take them off when we left. who was i to think that these were trash. so, she walked around downtown wearing them. for a long time. it was quite the site and we ended up taking them all the way home.

whether it's which wich sandwich bags on her hands or underwear on her head i swear i will do everything i can to keep her mind as far out there as it is right now.

our backyard is the shit

2007-09-25T12:52:00.000-05:00

my two favorite times of the year are summer to fall and winter to spring. here in texas, those are the only chances we get to take part in actual seasonal change. the change may be minimal as compared to other parts of the country but we'll take what we can get. it happens to be that time of year right now , and i plan on taking full advantage of it. last year we were just moving in and didn't have much time to notice the change and how great it can be in our own backyard. i have quickly found out exactly how much i love our backyard. it's huge, the grass is thick & soft and our house provides awesome shade in the afternoon.

the other day we were in the backyard playing and calli took a moment to lay with me (we all know how few and far between these moments are with a toddler) and look for planes. it felt so good. we even got to see one fly by. it made her so excited i though she was going to pee.

she pointed up-- "airpane, airpane, airpane"

fall afternoons in the backyard rock.

calli's first rock show

2007-09-25T12:38:00.001-05:00

if there's one thing we've learned for sure it's that calli loves music. she stops when she hears it and can't take her eyes off it when it's on tv. so when a friend told us about this children's rock show, we had to take her. damn she had a good time. it was her and two of her friends and they romped around like they were at a fugazi concert. 5 acts and 2 and a half hours worth. i've never seen her dance so much. there's no doubt in my mind the we have a joan jett in the making.

catching the small moments means everything

2007-09-18T07:40:00.000-05:00

i think i take for granted words like "biapers" or "peepoo". you see, those are meant to be diapers and pay-paw. (that's my dad's name for calli) but i hear them everyday and forget how sweet that little voice can be and how special it should make me feel.

it's been an unexpectedly sad start to this tuesday. my wife's uncle lost his dog early this morning and my mother-in-law's boyfriend broke up with her last night. i know how much he loved that dog and i also know how long she has been looking for someone special. it made me really sad for them.

so, in an effort to find something uplifting i remembered being in bed this morning and hearing calli in her room over the monitor saying "biaper" and i smiled. it amazes me how such insignificant moments can turn around an entire morning that's gone to shit.

kids are great, especially mine.

shit, shit, shit

2007-09-04T07:39:00.000-05:00

a good friend of ours thought it would be funny to teach calli to say "shit". naturally she said it. then repeated two more times. what a proud day as a parent. i thought it was mildly funny but my wife did not. and rightfully so. from past experiences we have every right to believe she will be quite the hell raiser and the last thing we need is her to be speaking like a sailor at two.

on a similar note, she has developed quite the vocabulary. for the most part you have to prompt her to say things although there are a few things she'll give up on her own. it just goes to show that kids --specifically toddlers-- will say what ever you want them too. well, except thank you.

another friend gave a good argument on toddler cussing and i have to say, i almost agree with her.

"i don't want my daughter walking around cussing all the time but if she knows why she is using the word and the situation calls for it i commend her on finding the proper word for emphasis."

yeah, i though it was a rather compelling argument also.

the learning curve: actually a circle

2007-08-19T06:43:00.000-05:00

alright. i've been riding the easy train as of late with my posts. i'm ready to step it up a notch and give you readers something to truly sink your teeth into and ponder til the next moment of brilliance for which i will allow you to be a part of. now this won't change the world or anything i just want it to make you think--act--movethroughyourday--in--a--different--manner than you ever have in the past. simple enough.

parenting is hard. hold on it gets better. parenting is hard and it gets harder everyday.

there you have it. good, right? yeah, i thought so too.

i remember thinking how incredibly difficult life was for us when calli lived in the nicu. all the wires. all the feeding tubes. all the blood tests. all the blood transfusions. all the blah-blah-blah. so yeah, that time could not have been more difficult. at that time. but as we move through this little girl's life things get exponentially more difficult. i'm using the word difficult in a "hi mrs. cleaver, you look nice this evening." says eddie haskell, kind of way. there are moments of truth in the word, but over all the rise in the level of difficulty makes me smile. when one thing seems to ease, another pops up and seems even worse than the last. apparently --per my mother-- it gets harder the further they get away form the home.

i guess all the boring-bullshit clichés are right. fucking experience. it does pave the way. if we would just listen.

so i go back to my little life and continue to help raise my daughter knowing that the harder it gets will never amount to how hard it will get. with ease.

freinds till the end

2007-08-10T08:55:00.000-05:00

i have posted before about calli's bff giada. the friend she made while in the nicu. it's fun for us to play around and buy them bff shirts and braclets but sometimes it really seems to be the case.

we went to dinner with the mcg's the other night and giada just couldn't get enough of calli. they were running around and giada kept trying to kiss calli. calli had so much fun playing hard to get. she would watch giada getting close and then run. but just to keep giada interested she gave in a couple of times and john snapped a some great pics.

these girls have a special relatioinship. i feel lucky to have met them.

the makings of a girly-girl

2007-08-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

i posted recently about the influences that surround calli. specifically my sister. well now another has surfaced. my mother. i love how calli gets so much time with her, and i know they both enjoy every moment. but through all this quality-time, calli has quickly found an affinity for putting on make-up.

i'm not quite sure how i feel about this. after all the girl is only 21 months old. i'll admit it's quite cute to watch her emulate my mother when she puts her make-up on but i don't think i want her growing up this fast. I know every parent says that same thing but i think they all truly feel it.

either way, the situation brought me back to the thought of who interacts with my daughter. i'm actually fine with my mother showing her how to apply blush it just makes me think about how hard it's going to be when the wrong people start showing up. you can never be too careful but at the sametime you don't want to smother them either. i guess the ride continues.

my wife loves the idea of her getting this exposure. she says calli will definitely need this from my mom and sister since they're way more girly-girl than she.

*on a side note i snapped the first photo and she noticed me there and began to pose for a few that followed. she loves that spotlight. a girl after her own daddy's heart.

let sleeping babies lie?

2007-08-07T07:33:00.000-05:00

"they" always say to keep the child out of your bed. which makes great sense on paper. if they get too attached they'll want to sleep in your bed all the time. yeah, i get it. but at 345 in the am i (or normally my wife) find it hard to just walk around holding a 25lb toddler till she falls asleep again. if she gets in our bed, she generally hits rem sleep within seconds then moves back to her own bed. no big deal, case closed everyone back to sleep by 4am. cool? well, i started thinking differently the last couple of days. she has been in our bed when the alarm sounds and i wonder how comfortable is she with this?

my daughter is smart. i don't say that as some kind of declaration to show how that's my doing. i say that because it just hit me and now i'm really scared. she gets what's going on around her and i can see the wheels of manipulation turning at all times. she knows where she has us and how to use that to her advantage. which brings me back to the sleep thing. how long before she wakes up and has to finish out the night in our bed? without even knowing. the natural, unconscious instinct to cry and continue to cry till she gets what she wants. her little mind has started putting 2 & 2 together and understanding everystep of the way. i just hope this doesn't happen in her sleep.

they always seem sweet on the outside --the aunts

2007-08-03T13:48:00.000-05:00

(dotphoto access-user name: callia password: haines)

we're a close family and when i say that i include the extended parts as well. on both side. more so on my side since the majority of my family lives in austin. so we see alot of each other. especially my sister and her "boyance". (pronounced: boy-ahn-say)

they spend quite a bit of time with calli and we love how much she enjoys her time with them. but sometimes you have to step back and take a look and the influences surrounding your child. you have to decide if they're setting the proper example and how the relationship will shape who your child will become.

i have never really thought twice about it since it is my sister. i feel i can pretty much trust her judgement. the worst she's could do would probably be exposing calli to way too much candy. or maybe dressing a little on the slutty side.

whoa! what did i just say?

that's right, dressing too slutty.

apparently my sister dresses too slutty for the women's gym chain curves. yeah, i know. why she signed up to go to there in the first place is a whole other story.

anyway, she and my mom went to workout yesterday afternoon and not even 20 minutes after leaving they were knocking at my door. so i open it and my sister had tears flying from her face and nothing intelligible coming form her mouth. i'm thinking she got in an accident, found out she's pregnant or her "boyance" has left her. oh no that would have been too easy. after she calmed down a bit i got the full story.

are you ready for this? go ahead and sit down.

okay, she got kicked out of curves for wearing shorts that were too short. no lie. and i don't mean you have to leave kicked out. i mean let me rip up your contract-here are your checks-we don't ever want to see your face around here-or-on any of the near by street corners-thank you very much-kicked out.

Of course we all couldn't stop laughing at this but it made me think. what kind of message will this send my daughter. you can dress how ever you want and get away with it? i don't think so. you can bet i'll have a close eye on my sister to make sure she won't be dragging my daughter down that "woman of the night" path she has so willing chosen.

first trip to disney a success

2007-07-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

the depression has finally started to wear off. we've been back in town for 5 days and i don't completely hate austin any longer. i can only compare disney world to heroin. once you have that taste you can't get enough of it. not that i've actually tried herion but i assume it would be just as addicting as dianey world.

what a great trip!

calli may have been a bit young to enjoy the full experience of the place but what she did see, she loved. and we loved watching her. i had no idea she would understand as much as she did. and the fact that we had so much of my family there made the trip that much more special. not much more to say about this one so i'll let these pics (haines is the password and it's the july album)speak for themselves.

my kid's crappy sometimes but it's cool

2007-07-10T14:03:00.000-05:00

i struggle day in and day out wondering if my kid resembles other kids or if she's unique in her crap-headed-ness. i know theses things shouldn't matter and no two kids are the same but i know every parent thinks it. especially when your kid's being a little shit. who wants to have the bad kid? frankly, it's embarassing and evevryone sees it as a reflection of your abilities as a parent.

with that said, thank god for the latest "newsletter" from parent-blogger extraordinaire dooce. when she compared holding a young pig to holding her daughter in the midst of a fit, i smiled. i smiled from ear to ear. finally someone to commiserate with.

it's not just me. my kid is normal. well you know what i mean. i can sleep again at night ---once the canines push all the way through-- knowing i haven't totally f'd her up already. now for the next 17 years. deep breath. don't panic.

don't let her be like me. please, don't let her be like me. anything, but not like me.

teeth--teeth--teeth

2007-06-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

holy crap teeth suck! they suck bad! did i mention that teeth suck?

the first couple weren't bad. that whole milestone thing helped mask the pain and tears. now we're to the point of wanting to give her smoothies the rest of her life.

not only are the teeth pushing through, they're pushing through all at the same time. it seems nothing can make her happy.

she flails when you try to hold her. she flails when you put her down. she grabs, pinches, bites, anything to get your attention to say "hey you son-of-a-bitch i'm in pain fix it." in turn i reply, "i'm trying. ahhhh!" so we get nowhere and her teeth still hurt. what now?

i look out on the horizon and see the "terrible twos" quickly approaching.

parenthood, we do this by choice and somehow love every minute of it.

come back baby

2007-06-01T14:49:00.000-05:00

while it may be all fun and games to dress them up in heels and purses, how do you stop them from growing up so fast? even though i sound like that sappy parent complianing- my baby's growing up too fast and i so wish i could just hold her again- it's kinda true. i get a little ill when i hear these words come out of my mouth but i blink and she moves futher and further away from needing me. i do however look forward to the days where she can wipe her own butt, still, all the other things that make her a baby are quickly slipping away. i know i should look forward to all the new milestones she continuously surpasses but i really just want my little girl to fall asleep on my chest again. i guess these are the feelings that lead to baby #2.

on second thought she is pretty cute when she pinches the hell out of my face because i won't put her down.

blood sisters--through pinky swear

2007-05-19T10:39:00.000-05:00

we have made jokes from day 1 about how calli and giada are bff and can't live without one another. it's been fun. given us a few laughs. but as of late it really seems to be the case. calli has started saying giada (calli pronunciation--jaaada) and every time you ask her where giada is she looks to the picture on the fridge and points. it's very cute and it makes her smile. anytime we go the mcg's house giada comes to the door screaming and smiling to see calli. calli has other friends she enjoys time with and she does go to daycare but the relationship she has with giada seems different. they really connect. i'm not sure if that's because of the time they spent together in the nicu and all they have been through as such young people but it's neat to watch. i can hardly wait to see the trouble they get into and how close the become throughout the years.

gotta raise'em right

2007-05-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

the other day i was swiffering after calli had eaten and i noticed her watching me. i'm not sure but i sensed her judging me. it was probably nothing but i got a little miffed at the idea. so, like any father would do, i put the swiffer in her hand and made her clean up her own mess. i wasn't cracking a whip or anything just wanted to get my point across. your mess, you clean.

i have to say she did an alright job.

nicu naughties came-- nicu naughties saw-- & nicu naughties kicked...

2007-05-14T11:25:00.000-05:00

we took part in our first march of dimes walk this past saturday. we had a great time with everyone who joined us and our team nicu naughties rasied more than $5000! we totally kick ass!

Come hang with us next year and you too can be cool.

family-- they're not so bad

2007-04-27T08:06:00.000-05:00

long ago i decided i would leave home and start my own life. with my own family in my own town with my own family traditions. not that there was anything wrong with where i was from or how i grew up. i had a great childhood. i think the male in me wanted to explore and conquer. whatever that means.

well, 13 years later i find myself in a totally different place altogether.

as a side note, i didn't get very far. i had these grand intentions of living in the big city or in foreign land where i couldn't speak the language but somehow i landed a mere 3 hours away from where i grew up. and there you have it.

so now i live in autsin with my wife of eight years and our 1.5 year old daughter. we love it here. then my parents and my wife and i bought a duplex together about 7 months ago. this was a big step. not only buying a place but having my parents share the space as well. keep in mind this is a second home for them so they are not here all the time. still, them is some close quarters if you don't have the right relationship. luckily we do and we have enjoyed every minute of it. the question now is how long before they make the move permanently and how will that change life? i have a feeling i'll be able to answer this very soon.

all this has made me realize the utter importance of family and i'm glad i ended up so close to "home."

no more mr. nice guy

2007-04-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

reasoning with a 17 month old is a ridiculous notion. i get the idea behind this approach to parenting but in the end you're left with a defiant little ~~bastard~~ bundle of joy. i'm not about to break out the paddle but a loud stern voice seems to be working.

who the hell am i kidding? nothing works on these little ~~shits~~ darlings! she just keeps standing in the chair and pulling out the cds and messing with the tv and... when the hell does no start to work? someone help!

dance revolution

2007-04-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

hell yes! the moment i have been waiting for has finally arrived . calli has started dancing. it's not much yet, but she hears the music and gets that's little bounce thing going. i have been working on the one-hand-in-the-air hip hop groove and she's getting that down. but the other night, we were watching american idol and she stopped playing to watch the show and started bouncing and waving her arms in the air. it totally kicked ass. as soon as i can figure out how to get the video online i'll add it.

time is the devil

2007-03-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

i was reading a post from a friend of mine on bloggingbaby.com and it got me thinking. what's in a parent? what makes parent? who are parents?

i have been spending quite a bit of time away from the home lately. between overtime at work and preparing to open a play this week, any free time has been spent taking a deep breath and figuring out what's next. somewhere in the shuffle i am married and i do have a daughter. now, i haven't forgotten this, but i would like to find more moments where i could relish these two things that make life worth living. hillary and i had our 8th wedding anniversary this past wednesday and i can't even tell you for sure if we kissed let alone any activities requiring less clothing. so, i am making a vow to maximize the time i do have with my family because we all know that i won't slow down until i'm forced.

i do feel that the time i spend with calli is worth while. she will always know who i am and that i love her. so to answer my questions, i do have what's in a parent, i am what makes up a parent, and until i die, i will always be a parent. even though i have a lot going on it won't stop me from being a part of my family and balancing a life i can be proud of.

holy crap i just reread this post and i did vomit in my mouth a little. sorry i had to bore you with feelings but whatever.

no, no, noooo she's too young

2007-03-10T07:12:00.000-06:00

i find it hard to believe that a person, a child, hell a baby can know how to work the "system" at the age of 15.5 months. to clarify, when i say system i'm referring to the institution of parenting. i am well aware that by age 13 one has the system down to a science. but a baby? seriously?

i think robert (our roommate) and i laughed for about 15 minutes the other night when calli began her life-long pursuit of testing me as a parent. at first my jaw was on the floor but then i thought, oh my god... she is smart (insert single tear about half way down my cheek). for so long hillary and i have said-- "well if nothing else our kids well be cute." now that's not us being too proud of the way we look, we just thought we needed something to justify how our kids were more than likely, not going ivy league.

so, robert and i were sitting on the couch watching my darling daughter roam the living room in search of any two things she could smash together. when from the corner of her eye she caught the light bouncing off the edge of an oh so tempting cd case. with all other thoughts and plans quickly forgotten, her only goal in life was to get there and grab hold of her favorite. beck midnight vultures. instead of getting off the couch i simply called her name in the hopes that she'd listen to me, see the wrong in what she was doing and turn to apologize.

yeah, you're right.

so i called her name again this time with that stern dad voice. again my attempts have apparently fallen on deaf ears. she finally reached the basket of cds and turned to look at robert and i. she then set up distraction with a smile and not so subtlety reached behind her back and grabbed a cd. i am completely shocked at this. how the hell does this child, who has been walking for maybe a month and a half and can barely say anything other than poop, know how to manipulate. i tried so hard to remain the parent but my efforts were useless. and we laughed. and we laughed. and we laughed. not laughter from the humor of the situation but rather "oh shit i cannot believe this"laughter. at that moment i saw myself... and my life became difficult.

there must be humor somewhere in this

2007-03-02T14:47:00.000-06:00

well... here we are again. it seems as though calli may be a bit sweeter than we thought. as you can see, she has been bitten again while at daycare. oh no... you're not mistaken, i too count five different bites. so what exactly is a parent to do at this point? my instincts tell me to take this kid who has bitten my daughter for the second time and shake... well... let's just say i know that's not the right thing to do and have, reluctantly, moved on to more appropriate measures. have my wife take care of it.

wow what a puss. why couldn't i have stepped up to take care of the situation you ask. my justification went like this.

"well, you spoke with them earlier and i think maybe you should continue to work on this matter. there's no telling what i could say and at this point i can't really control the amount of expletives that may fly from my normally clean mouth."

yeah, you're right she rolled her eyes, became the strong one and called. they were extremely apologetic and assured us this would never happen again. they also removed the girl from calli's class.

you know, these are the times that parenting seems an impossible job. you want to look out for your child's best interest but at the same time you have to realize these things happen. but how much do you let happen before you pull a child for one facility and enroll them in another where biting will inevitably happen?

all i know is that convenience is a total bitch. but you better believe the next time something like this happens, there will be hell-to-pay.

*since beginning this post the culprit has been moved to a different class and believe it or not has done it again. i'm not sure what has been done but when i find out i'll let you know.

oh, the art of toilet sitting

2007-02-26T14:46:00.000-06:00

calli came down with rotavirus a week ago last thrusday. now for those lucky souls who have no idea what this means let me "briefly" explain. diarrhea. lots and lots of diarrhea. not to be too descriptive i'll leave it at calli had to be prescribed a burn cream due to wet wipe irritation complications.

now, hillary and i managed to avoid the highly contagious condition by constatly washing and sanitizing till our hands bled. but oh... low and behold this was not enough. no no. mr. rota found his way through our cleanliness this past friday (just in time to ruin or weekend) and attacked and attacked and attacked until we could take no more. he even took out hillary's mother (and i assure you, i would not even wish this on my mother-in-law) when she came to help us care for calli so hillary could return to work. thank god it was only a 24hr thing for us. poor calli had to endure the pain for about 10 days.

it's now tuesday and i'm still breathing deeply and cautiously. if toilet sitting were an art form, we would all be on permanent dispaly at the guggenheim.

once bitten

2007-01-26T21:42:00.000-06:00

i've been saying for sometime now the first word calli would learn from me was going to be "bitch." hard hit on the b, drawn out i, and a nice finish on the tch. and it comes across as a heavy handed question. you know, "what the hell were you thinking" should be expressed when delivered correctly. the word, if used properly can be quite versatile. she could use it to adequately express her disdain for the nurses administering the many shots received during doctor visits or perhaps to assist me when dealing with lovely a-holes on the road. either way,the effectiveness of the word is immessureable. still, no other time seems as apt as the other day.

calli recently began an arduous journey into the world of daycare. much to our chagrin we did this because we had to. the first week roled by as expected. it was in the second that all our fears came to life. the sweet little girl, whom we thought had been adjusting quite well, reached out to a peer and yanked her "binky" from her mouth. i won't get into how inapproiate i think a "binky" is after the age of one but keep in mind it's been noted. so the girl, in her shocked state, grabed calli and bit the side of her face. i mean individual teeth marks still present by the time i picked her up at 430pm. the daycare tried to reach me twice and then finally spoke with hillary to inform us of the situation. apperently they were affraid of what my reaction would be if i didn't know in advance. i'm not sure what that means, but i guess i've left some kind of impression in the past.

with all that said, i wish she had already learned "bitch." could there ever be a better time for her to put it out there?

*this post is old but i felt it had to added. i will now get off my ass and post in a more timely manner... i promise... no really... i promise. however the pic is recent and pretty cute right?

with a mug like that...

2007-01-07T10:44:00.000-06:00

i don't really have much to say about this pic, but i couldn't resist sharing this darling face with the world. when calli sees a camera this is what she gives them. quite cute don't you think?

well, the day we've been dreading has arrived. calli starts daycare tomorrow. we're not happy about the idea but we know it has to happen. we're siked however to see how she interacts with other kids. she's been around her own friends of course, but an entire class is a whole other world for her. will she be the shy baby off by herself? will she be the fat, happy baby making everyone laugh? or (god help us) will she be the baby who pushes, slaps and pinches anyone who invade her personal space? i'm reluctant to say i think she'll be the latter but at least the other kids will know how she rolls right? i guess this is where the real parenting begins. it keeps getting harder and harder but much more worth while at the same time. having children rocks!

how happy the holidays

2006-12-19T12:49:00.000-06:00

a long time ago.... in a nicu far, far away (well, a little over a year and just up lamar blvd).... Calli met her bff... her best friend for life... the one who would keep her in trouble... in lots of trouble... the mighty giadalicious. since that fateful day (actually, after they were released from nicu prison and we were out of rsv quarantine) they have been attached at the hip. i really think they "know" each other. they smile and get so excited when the other comes in the room.

now, both big and strong (you'd never know by looking at them just how fragile they once were) they decided to take on "the man." that's right people. the jolly one himself. the great santa. at the sluaghter and 35 whataburger of course.

they figured what better way to capture the memories of their first "real" christmas than on santa's lap. oh how they loved every minute. all they can talk about now is when they can see him again.

these girls put everything in the right perspective. "just play and all is good."

the definition of "man" has been re-written?

2006-12-19T12:21:00.000-06:00

what make a man? is it six feet in height and 180lbs of raw muscle? (thank you very much hollywood) or is it found in the relentless pursuit for your families safety? you be the judge.

my neighbor called to inform me that he had to kill a scorpion in his house. shit... shit... how many times does one man's "manhood" have to be tested before he's a man? i mean, how do i approach the situation, i'm obviously afraid of, when both my girls are around to witness my pussness? will i be able to produce like a "real" man? will i expose my girly side and scream? will the scorpion win?

(lightbulb above the head illuminates) score!!!

in the middle of my panic i remember a friend and fellow father-in-the-making had to deal with this same issue. i have provided his priceless advice.

I surveyed the area, made sure Gio and Giada were safe and then grabbed a shoe. I then approached with caution until I could strike. I looked that scorpion in the eye and made it say it's final goodbye. At that moment, I struck with the sole of that shoe..... and missed. What kind of husband/father misses the deadly scorpion in front of his family!!! Disgraced, I followed the scorpion until I struck it with enough blows that the swiffer would make easy work of it and just like that, the scorpion was dead and my pride restored... kind of.

Since this was obviously not the best approach for a number of reasons, we called in the terminator. It was expensive but I did not fine too many that were cheaper.

We use Bulwark and they spray every 2 months and come back for free if we still see them. it was around $400 a year. expensive but cheaper than getting bit or ruining any more of my shoes. : )

John

well, it's nice to see i'm not alone. i hope this advice will help the many "men" across the world just like me.

thanks john.

in conclusion, i have studied the facts provided and still believe a man is defined by hollywood. shit. well, that's life. at least we have something to strive for right?

one step... at a time... AND BEYOND(insert echo effect)

2006-12-13T15:19:00.000-06:00

it looks like parenting isn't going to stop at me changing diapers and 430am bottles. no, that would be too easy. which leads to me removing my ass from the couch, setting aside my bar-tool and (gulp) getting a day job. the one thing i've been avoiding since age 18. i'm not exactly devistated by this just wondering where my life is headed. but not knowing is half the battle, right.

fuck that!

who wants to sit in an office and answer the phone for eight hours a day? well, i guess i do. you know, i sound a bit negative right now. i don't want to send the wrong message. i did choose to take the job. i had other options. i did turn them down. but damn, taking that first step is the hardest. how does one make the move into adulthood (at age 31) as smooth as possible? i guess you shut-up, grab your ass and run with it.

being a community player can't be all that bad.

i knew when it was time i would know it. and it's here. and i'm ready to be the best damn dad i can. day job and all.

the first year -- in a moment -- and that's a small well packed moment

2006-12-08T22:35:00.000-06:00

here goes nothing... let the blogging begin.

ok so, we're a couple of weeks into the second year of callia frances' life and i still have to take a deep breath when thinking of all that has happened. to say her first year has been a challenge would be... um... a bit of an understatment.

for starters, our "little angel" broke her silence two months early. for those of you not counting that put us at thirty-two out of forty week birth. Now, quite a bit of weight is gained in the last weeks of the pregnancy so our bundle of joy busted out just shy of 4lbs. and that landed us in the nicu for month one. spending the first month of your first child's life in the hospital will make anyone step back and appreciate every moment. let's just say that we don't take anything for granted. the smiles, the cries, the late nights, the boom boom diapers all keep us going. it's not to say that frustration doesn't set in from time to time but i assure you it doesn't last long.

so, we're two days away from calli's first christmas and we get the green light to get the hell out of that sterile hole we affectionately call home. with calli in-tow, my wife and i stare at one another... "should i drive? How do i drive? she won't fall out, right? can we take a nurse home?" and we were off to start our new life. holy crap... what do we do now?

a couple of good months go by. we're rockin' -n- rollin'. doing the parent thing when all of sudden the cries get longer... and louder. so i listen closer... and then... closer. what???

it burns when you pee.

what the hell is bladder reflux?

there's nothing like valentines day at the childrens ward. damn it! can't we get a break.

fast forward to april 2006 and we are the happiest family on earth! "what's that? rsv season is over? woohoo! get us the hell outa this 700sqft cage.

man we went everywhere. finally we had a life again. with a baby. we're parents. this is cool.

they all say time flies when you have a child but i had no idea. you start living through their milestones and it does start to go by; too fast. she's smiling, sitting up, rolling over, crawling, pulling up, cutting teeth, cutting teeth, damn... cutting teeth, saying daddy. (well not really but i can dream right?) anyway next thing you know you're planning a first birthday. and what a party. there were babies everywhere. cake flying, toys taking over, and enough flash photography to blind you for a decade. i hope i recorded enough. shit, these videos will be the barometer for what kind of dad i am. shit, what's enough.

then the 2nd's start. "awwwwe, it's her 2nd thanksgiving. oh, remember your birthday last year in the hospital. i can't wait for christmas ."

who would believe our daughter who can't stop smiling. who can't stop talking. who can't stop growing. was ever premature. we are so lucky to have calli in our lives and we will never take a moment of her life for granted.