what it means to have a daughter... to me

in a nut shell... being able to use the word cute as much as i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want without someone accusing me of belonging to the "boi's club".

we had a friend and his son (who is 6mo older than calli and half mexican [we'll get to that later]) over for christmas. no big deal he's been coming to christmas for the past 4 or so years. but this year was different. his son's in town from mexico and he brought him along. again no big deal. or so i thought.

during said christmas, i got my first glimpse into what it means to have daughter. and i have wanted to vomit ever since.

ok, i recognize that, contrary to popular belief, i can be a bit dramatic. and i do recognize the fact that my daughter is only 2. but watching them give each other cute little "besos" over and over and over and over and... you get it, from the many promptings of the adults in the room i felt the need to grab my daughter, lock her in a room filled with books and return when she's 30 to let her out.

at first, i loved how they got along. how sweet it was to watch her follow him around. but when she started sharing her gold fish with him my gut filled with concern. that girl never shares. especially food. i looked over at my friend, he smiled and said "latin lover, player". because that's what dad's of boys do. they pat'em on the back and take pride in the way they pray on poor little naive girls. and dad's of girls develop ulcers.

i have never wanted to protect something so much in my life. neither have i ever wanted to knock down a poor defenseless toddler with a swift kick in the ass. but i sure as hell wanted to that day. with much anxiety i admit to myself that this will be me for the next... oh i don't know... 50 fucking years.


this is exactly why i have started a savings account for the private, all girls school here in austin. it's my last defense against all those boy's just like... me.