what it means to have a daughter... to me

in a nut shell... being able to use the word cute as much as i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want without someone accusing me of belonging to the "boi's club".

we had a friend and his son (who is 6mo older than calli and half mexican [we'll get to that later]) over for christmas. no big deal he's been coming to christmas for the past 4 or so years. but this year was different. his son's in town from mexico and he brought him along. again no big deal. or so i thought.

during said christmas, i got my first glimpse into what it means to have daughter. and i have wanted to vomit ever since.

ok, i recognize that, contrary to popular belief, i can be a bit dramatic. and i do recognize the fact that my daughter is only 2. but watching them give each other cute little "besos" over and over and over and over and... you get it, from the many promptings of the adults in the room i felt the need to grab my daughter, lock her in a room filled with books and return when she's 30 to let her out.

at first, i loved how they got along. how sweet it was to watch her follow him around. but when she started sharing her gold fish with him my gut filled with concern. that girl never shares. especially food. i looked over at my friend, he smiled and said "latin lover, player". because that's what dad's of boys do. they pat'em on the back and take pride in the way they pray on poor little naive girls. and dad's of girls develop ulcers.

i have never wanted to protect something so much in my life. neither have i ever wanted to knock down a poor defenseless toddler with a swift kick in the ass. but i sure as hell wanted to that day. with much anxiety i admit to myself that this will be me for the next... oh i don't know... 50 fucking years.


this is exactly why i have started a savings account for the private, all girls school here in austin. it's my last defense against all those boy's just like... me.


tis' the season

me & the ol'lady on our way to a christmas party.

calli about to take on the trail of lights at out city park. she looks so psyched about it doesn't she?

'appy 'olidays to all!


nothing better than nothing going on

i started getting anxious when i realized i hadn't posted in a while and had nothing excting to post about. sweat began to bead behind my knees and in the crack of my butt. my heart pounded. i couldn't control my breathing. i knew my life as a bloggger had finally come to an end after only 1 year.

a short conversation with myself
by struglas

"omg, i'm boring!"

"wtf, why can't i think of anything to talk about?"

"icbtihtm, (sorry-- i can't believe this is happening to me) i swear my life is fun and crazy."

"hey idiot... shut the fuck up. sit back, relax and relish the fact that nothing is going on. "

"whoa. you're right. calli's not sick. she has been sleeping through the night. both jobs are flowing nicely. she even told me she loved me as i left this morning for work. " (insert tear drop)

"my life is good."

"my life is normal."

"and doggonit, people like me."


time, distance & kids make friendships hard to maintain

i think every parent would agree that having a child really causes you to loose touch with the outside world. you become consumed with your immediate family and life just seems to slip away and you begin to interact less with those you had grown so close too. my wife and have talked about this at great lengths and get pretty down when we think about all the friends we had and how close we were before we all had kids. it's pretty sad but unfortunately it seems to be a fact of life. if you want friendships once you have kids, you really have to work at it and the sad part is, if you don't work, you forget who your friends are. even if you don't mean to.

this past weekend two friends of mine and their wives drove up from houston to surprise me for my birthday. i've know one of these friends 16 years and the other 8 years. we still chat occasionally and see each other a couple of times a year but we were all so close before my wife and i moved to austin and then when we had calli it got worse.

i was completely shocked when they pulled up late friday night. when they walked through the door, it was as if nothing had ever changed. it felt really good to reconnect. calli latched on to all of them from the get go and it made me really sad as they drove away. calli was blowing them kisses and i started to think about the next time she would see them. i couldn't honestly tell myself when that would be. hell , we have friends here where we live that we hardly see much less 3.5 hours away. but i truly want to make an effort to keep these friends close. i have a pretty small family and she's going to need these extended aunts and uncles in her life. i know it's going to be tough with both my jobs and trying to match up schedules but in the end it's well worth it.



further evidence that my kid's in need of a major attitude adjustment

i've mentioned how calli has developed a bit of an attitude since turning two. pretty typical. seems most every kid's affected by this particular birthday. hence the disclaimer "terrible twos". well, as she continues to embrace her role in this phase, new traits pop up that make this time in her life even more fun (dripping with sarcasm) from a parental standpoint.

i heard her talking the other morning and went to get her started for the day. i knocked on her door to see what she would do and she so sweetly asked, "who is it?". i thought i was going to melt. i opened the door and smiled at her. she promptly said, "mama? mommy? mama?". how could i have expected anything else? i told her mama was at work. she stopped everything, shot me this hard stare and followed it with a slap on the side of the crib. translation --"what the hell did you just say? don't make me slap this crib again."

this has been her response to many things as of late. the stare down and then the slap of whatever is within reach. the wall, floor, a toy or if we're lucky enough to be in striking distance, one of us. the major problem with this outburst is that it's funny as hell. mainly because she 's so completely serious. it takes everything i have to not break down when i'm trying to administer some sort of discipline. but damn it's hard.

really, what does she think she's accomplishing here?