the funniest thing. ever.

we've all heard of "jesus juice". freakin' hilarious. leave it to someone like ol' mj to get branded with that one. go figure.

so, thanks to this wonderful addition to the english lexicon i have been able to piss my wife off by referring to her glass of wine as "mommy juice". for some reason she doesn't think this is as funny as i do. she's afraid it'll come out at the wrong time and she'll look like some kind of lush.

uh... honey... if the stemless bordeaux glass fits...

anyway, to get to the meat (no pun intended. you'll see what i mean later) of this story, calli ended up in our bed the other night. as you can see from the photo above, mama and daddy partook in a weeee bit too much of mama's "mommy juice" and didn't get around to ahem... uh... um... cleaning up their mess. once calli began her morning hoot and holler around our room in an effort to roust us out of bed she took notice of our night stand. she slowly crept toward one haphazardly discarded condom wrapper, picked it up and exclaimed-- "daddy medicine!"

and there you have it...


sugar and spice and everything nice

ok, so every parent experiences those moments. you know what i'm talking about. where your kid is either saying or doing something they shouldn't but all you can do is laugh. --i.e. picking nose and eating treasures found while in public or dropping the "f-bomb" at christmas dinner for the first time.-- you turn your head and try not to let them catch you because it just encourages the behavior but it never works and they continue because your response makes them laugh and then you laugh and then...

insert our precious, well behaved and oh so polite daughter.

calli has recently studied, dissected and perfected the way in which we spit when we brush our teeth. apparently it's a very dramatic moment and has drawn enough of her attention for her to remember and reenact it. the only problem is that she doesn't keep this in the bathroom. nor does she restrict it to the normal teeth brushing times of the day or night.

she likes to walk around the house and in a moment of complete randomness, stop, bend over slightly, clear her throat with steam engine force and then actually spit. i'm talking backwoods-overall wearing-hillbilly hawking. i have to commend her on her conviction to the moment because she doesn't even budge when the loog lands right atop her foot. she simply giggles and goes right back to her conversation with whatever version of potato head she has created.

it so funny we can't control ourselves.

to watch her stop without any prompting or cause or reason and deliver such a display, makes me wonder where her little mind is.


late night loneliness

my ol'lady and daughter went out of town last minute. it's just after 2am and i'm only now walking through the door. i worked tonight and then went to see james hand at the continental club. real singer/songwriters are impossible to find these days. he's a rare find and worth every tired moment i spent watching him.

i miss my daughter and wife. sleep is hard without them under my roof. i just want to be certain they're safe.

without my arms around each of them...

...i sleep restless.


i can hardly contain myself

starting next week i go part time at my day job. this means calli will also go part time at day care. which means more time with her during the day.


i miss all the time we spent together when i stayed home with her the first year. nothing could make me happier than finding more time to bond with my daughter. she means everything to me and spending more free time with her makes my life that much better.


the traveling gnome has been replaced

the ol'lady and i were kickin' around flickr the other day looking at entries for the word sophisticated and ran across this. pretty hilarious.


if you'll eat dog food, i'll give it to you

you always hear the stories of kids being finicky eaters--

"oh, you know little mikey. he'll only eat peas if they're 76.5 degrees-on the elmo plate-at the old wooden table in nana's front room-while watching thomas the tank engine-every other sunday-of odd months. isn't that cute?"

--and your own parents can typically dredge up some moment in your toddler life where you gave them hell when it came to eating. but still, in spite of all this, i never thought it could be as difficult as it is. right now. with my daughter. who refuses to eat anything.

ok, correction, she'll lick ketchup off just about any food item. she won't actually consume any part of the food item but she’ll definitely get every bit of the ketchup. I figure, hey, tomatoes are considered both a fruit and a vegetable so she's good. right?

everything i read or hear says it's just a phase. it'll pass. but when your in the moment it sucks ass and all i want her to do is eat something without some major exchange of tears and yells and emotions from all parties involved.

is that too much to ask?

apparently so.


it only takes 4 minutes to turn it all around

i work a lot.

a lot= one day off from both jobs and 3 days a week leave the house at 630am return around 1030-11pm. i'm pretty used to it. no big deal. it's just where we are in life right now. you gotta do what you gotta do. right? it'll all be worth it. some day. i know it. probably.

the only real problem is how much this keeps me away from the house. i see calli in the morning when i'm gathering my shit for the day and she's eating breakfast and that's it. it sucks and i feel like she notices. and really, as of late she been kind of a turd too.

it seems her entire vocabulary consists of the word no and she flings it around with such force it could be classified as a deadly weapon.

i usually come downstairs and try to talk to her about what she's eating and typically get 7 no's and then a nice whack in the face while giving her a kiss on the forehead. it sets my day up nicely and it takes all i have not to deliver a swift blow to the throat of every dumbass i encounter.

this morning, however, was different.

last night ended particularly late.

i work nights at a high-end local restaurant and we're pretty popular with the hollywood crowd. celebrities eat there on a regular basis when in town. last night we were lucky enough to have aly & aj in house with about 25 of their friends. i couldn't have pointed them out if my life were on the line but apparently they're a big deal. so this lasted a while and i finally crawled into bed just shy of midnight. 530 came a little to quickly and as the alarm hit my ear like a cathrine tramell ice pick it took all i had not to drop kick it out the window. but, as i was getting ready i heard the sweetest raspy morning voice.

tsaaaddy? tsaaaddy?

calli wanted to stop by and give me a squeeze and a kiss on her way to brush her hair. absolutely adorable.

once i made it downstairs i went to greet her and she let me hug her again and graciously accepted a peck on the cheek while smiling.

iz tsaddy. iz tsaddy.

the day was perking up. as i left the house she said good-bye, smiled and blew me a kiss.

even though i am far beyond tired--and i have to work tonight--and i have another double tomorrow--and brunch on sunday--and then monday night--and my day job week starts again on tuesday--and then... this made my day.

for the rest of my life.